I just want a toilet. You know. The kind you take a sh*t in, press a little handle and, voila, the sh*t is gone.

I went into every store. What’s the use of giant malls if all they have is crap.

What about that name brand shoes you bought?

I bought a pair in Manhattan. It used to be a big deal if you bought F!*#@sh**m shoes. My father raved about them. They lasted forever. Now you wear through the soles in a few months.

Adrian went to Zappos, the shoe website. See what they have.

Did you RSVP?

Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.

Something is wrong with the new toilet. It’s made for a giant. You need a ladder to get on it.

Do me a favor. Go upstairs and sit on it.

My feet don’t touch the ground.

txt msg

r u coming to the wedding? 

Did you know it’s a different size?

I looked at the box. It said it had everything. Yeah. It said it was a bit taller. It didn’t say you had to be “this tall” to talk a sh*t in it. I’m f**king tired of everything becoming a research project. I just wanted a toilet to sh*t in.

txt msg

yes. sorry for mailing late rsvp

I went to Zappos. How the hell do you find anything?

You can filter it so you can see just the ankle boots you are looking for.

Can you return it?

Too late now. It’s all hooked up. When we’re eighty years old and we can’t squat, we’ll be thankful we got this bold piece of sh*t.

I did filter it. There’s still thirty frickin’ items to look at.

Everyone wants choices except you.

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  • Excelcior

    An alternative aid, Jeff http://www.squattypotty.com/ Squatty Potty Website…Healthy Colon-Happy Life

    • http://jeffsaddmind.com Jeffs ADD Mind

      Good information but…of course…misses the point…but you already know that.

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