Comments on: The Total Transformation Program® – Does It Work? http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm If ADD Is A Gift...Can I Return It For Something Else? Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:55:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Robyn http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-27491 Robyn Tue, 25 Jan 2011 22:21:14 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-27491 Robert, I am sorry but it sounds like you are having a wretched time with your daughter. We do live in a promiscuous-anything goes society. However, as her parent you have the right to tell her she must be respectful and courteous. This is, in part, what The Total Transformation teaches. You can listen to the cd's for 90 days and return a survey and get a refund. You do not need to do the survey if you don't want to. I am choosing to do the survey because money is a bit of an issue for my husband and I. Again, you have every right to expect good treatment from your daughter. Why should we allow our children to walk all over us? Take care, Robyn Robert,

I am sorry but it sounds like you are having a wretched time with your daughter. We do live in a promiscuous-anything goes society.

However, as her parent you have the right to tell her she must be respectful and courteous. This is, in part, what The Total Transformation teaches. You can listen to the cd’s for 90 days and return a survey and get a refund. You do not need to do the survey if you don’t want to. I am choosing to do the survey because money is a bit of an issue for my husband and I.

Again, you have every right to expect good treatment from your daughter. Why should we allow our children to walk all over us?

Take care,
Robyn

]]> By: Jeff http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-27453 Jeff Thu, 06 Jan 2011 03:06:14 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-27453 I've had that battle with my wife over the need to keep a united front. For the most part we've been successful but there are times when the kids figured out that asking Mom is better than asking Dad. FYI...I also had a problem with authority (well...maybe I still have it). I had arguments with some of my teachers. The school system didn't know what to do with me because I was also intelligent. But your daughter's touch exterior may still be a defense mechanism. "hard part about this is my daughter doesn’t or won’t differentiate between the two" - Sounds like you need someone who can teach mediation skills. It probably makes sense that you and your wife come to an agreement on how to handle certain things. As you've already figured out...your daughter will play you against your wife to get what she wants. I’ve had that battle with my wife over the need to keep a united front. For the most part we’ve been successful but there are times when the kids figured out that asking Mom is better than asking Dad.

FYI…I also had a problem with authority (well…maybe I still have it). I had arguments with some of my teachers. The school system didn’t know what to do with me because I was also intelligent. But your daughter’s touch exterior may still be a defense mechanism.

“hard part about this is my daughter doesn’t or won’t differentiate between the two” – Sounds like you need someone who can teach mediation skills.

It probably makes sense that you and your wife come to an agreement on how to handle certain things. As you’ve already figured out…your daughter will play you against your wife to get what she wants.

]]> By: Robert http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-27452 Robert Wed, 05 Jan 2011 21:30:47 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-27452 Jeff, Thanks for your response. I totally understood your point from the initial post. My question, or confussion was more from what Betsy was trying to point out. I gathered it had more to do with the childs point of view. Anyway, there some of what you ask about as to her trying to protect herself by pushing others away. It's more of a "tough girl" front that she puts up. She does have, and has been diagnosed as having issues with authority figures. Hence the issue she had with a "firmer" teacher. I am very old fashioned and was raised in a very strict house where respect for elders, and others we huge. I have not been able to pass any of this off to my daughter. As for doing the same for all children, I totally agree. My son, now in college, was TOTALLY different. He is respectful and fully bothered by the thought of having done wrong and hurting our feelings as parents. He does very well in school, and has great respect for others. We hear this from his teachers and other parents that have got to know him. We were concerned for a while that our daughter might be "rebelling" agains being compared to him. We have been VERY concious of not doing this. As for the all or nothing being to hard thought. The hard part about this is my daughter doesn't or won't differenciate between the two. Example if we cave a little on her not cleaning her room, she will use that against us when we wont cave on a more important issue like sneaking out. She see's it as we cut her a break last time, why not now. Of coarse then follows the long drawn out battle where I find myself beating my head against the wall trying to get her to understand there is a HUGE difference. I will give a good example of how she doesn't put things together. Just last night she was being very disrespectful. This after me spending 2 hours the night before fixing the stereo in her car that was messed up after trying to put in a new one. I got the old one back in and now she at least has a stereo. Last night came the need to "fix" the harness to make the new one work. However before I got to it came her attitude fest. I tried to explain that it's not a good idea to be rude and disrectful to a person who you need help from. The light never came on. So 20 minutes later she is asking when I was going to fix the new stereo. I said isn't karma great and made no effort to fix her stereo. She then upped the amperage on her attitude and said she was very upset that I said I would fix it and now wont. I told her how her interactions with me have different outcomes. If she is nice and polite and respectful it's amazing how the world around her is much nicer and brighter, but when she is the opposite, the results are the opposite. To this I got her trying to do it in defiance of me saying no. Then Mom came to ask for help. This turned into a battle as I told Mom she was rewarding the bad behavior. Your a Dad, not sure if you're also a husband, any advice would be great...! Jeff,

Thanks for your response. I totally understood your point from the initial post. My question, or confussion was more from what Betsy was trying to point out. I gathered it had more to do with the childs point of view. Anyway, there some of what you ask about as to her trying to protect herself by pushing others away. It’s more of a “tough girl” front that she puts up. She does have, and has been diagnosed as having issues with authority figures. Hence the issue she had with a “firmer” teacher. I am very old fashioned and was raised in a very strict house where respect for elders, and others we huge. I have not been able to pass any of this off to my daughter. As for doing the same for all children, I totally agree. My son, now in college, was TOTALLY different. He is respectful and fully bothered by the thought of having done wrong and hurting our feelings as parents. He does very well in school, and has great respect for others. We hear this from his teachers and other parents that have got to know him. We were concerned for a while that our daughter might be “rebelling” agains being compared to him. We have been VERY concious of not doing this.

As for the all or nothing being to hard thought. The hard part about this is my daughter doesn’t or won’t differenciate between the two. Example if we cave a little on her not cleaning her room, she will use that against us when we wont cave on a more important issue like sneaking out. She see’s it as we cut her a break last time, why not now. Of coarse then follows the long drawn out battle where I find myself beating my head against the wall trying to get her to understand there is a HUGE difference. I will give a good example of how she doesn’t put things together. Just last night she was being very disrespectful. This after me spending 2 hours the night before fixing the stereo in her car that was messed up after trying to put in a new one. I got the old one back in and now she at least has a stereo. Last night came the need to “fix” the harness to make the new one work. However before I got to it came her attitude fest. I tried to explain that it’s not a good idea to be rude and disrectful to a person who you need help from. The light never came on. So 20 minutes later she is asking when I was going to fix the new stereo. I said isn’t karma great and made no effort to fix her stereo. She then upped the amperage on her attitude and said she was very upset that I said I would fix it and now wont. I told her how her interactions with me have different outcomes. If she is nice and polite and respectful it’s amazing how the world around her is much nicer and brighter, but when she is the opposite, the results are the opposite. To this I got her trying to do it in defiance of me saying no. Then Mom came to ask for help. This turned into a battle as I told Mom she was rewarding the bad behavior. Your a Dad, not sure if you’re also a husband, any advice would be great…!

]]> By: Jeff http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-27451 Jeff Wed, 05 Jan 2011 21:07:55 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-27451 Robert, speaking for myself and not Betsy, the main point is that grandiose claims are made about the effectiveness of the Total Transformation Program (TTP) and yet the company provides no data to back up their claims. One would think that a program that can solve every known problem vis-a-vis the parent/child relationship would have some serious scientific data to back up such claims. Well, good luck finding that data because they don't provide it at all. The only "data" they provide are anecdotes which is not scientific at all. Has anyone from the company contacted parents 2, 3 or 4 years after purchasing and implementing the program? This would certainly be interesting to know. Without even doing this logic would tell us that the program was probably successful in some cases and not in others but it is quite UNLIKELY it was successful in 100% of the cases. That's really my point. Based on their commercials their program has a 100% effectiveness rate...so...caveat emptor. I'm not qualified to suggest a different program - or any program - that you can try. However, it may be the case that the TTP will work for you but it may also be the case that it will not. The company does offer a money back guarantee if it doesn't work within 30 days and I'm willing to bet it WILL work for the first 30 days...until your daughter figures out what you are really doing and then figures out how to work around it so...in 90 days...it may stop working. What may make the most sense is a smorgasbord approach...taking a bit from here and a bit from there and creating your own "system" that works with your daughter. Speaking as a father I can tell you that I've had to come up with different ways to handle the same issues because what worked with one child did not work with the other. You also need to be careful about all or nothing approaches. For example, being a bit hard nosed may be the right approach for one issue but not necessarily for every issue, the point being that you shouldn't always be hard nosed. Doing that makes it difficult for your child to differentiate between serious issues, like sleeping around, versus comparatively less serious issues...like cleaning her room. "argumentative, disrespectful, rude, uncaring of how much she hurts us as parents child" - Have you gotten a diagnosis from the counselor or other professional concerning this? It's the lack of empathy that has me a bit concerned and sometimes that can be a child's way of protecting themselves, that is, she may be very sensitive and the way to keep people at a distance so that they don't hurt her is to push them away through rudeness, etc. "I have long since blamed myself for much of this" - You shouldn't blame yourself. Kids often behave differently for others because, where parents are concerned, they know how to push your (our) buttons. Robert, speaking for myself and not Betsy, the main point is that grandiose claims are made about the effectiveness of the Total Transformation Program (TTP) and yet the company provides no data to back up their claims. One would think that a program that can solve every known problem vis-a-vis the parent/child relationship would have some serious scientific data to back up such claims. Well, good luck finding that data because they don’t provide it at all. The only “data” they provide are anecdotes which is not scientific at all. Has anyone from the company contacted parents 2, 3 or 4 years after purchasing and implementing the program? This would certainly be interesting to know. Without even doing this logic would tell us that the program was probably successful in some cases and not in others but it is quite UNLIKELY it was successful in 100% of the cases. That’s really my point. Based on their commercials their program has a 100% effectiveness rate…so…caveat emptor.

I’m not qualified to suggest a different program – or any program – that you can try. However, it may be the case that the TTP will work for you but it may also be the case that it will not. The company does offer a money back guarantee if it doesn’t work within 30 days and I’m willing to bet it WILL work for the first 30 days…until your daughter figures out what you are really doing and then figures out how to work around it so…in 90 days…it may stop working.

What may make the most sense is a smorgasbord approach…taking a bit from here and a bit from there and creating your own “system” that works with your daughter. Speaking as a father I can tell you that I’ve had to come up with different ways to handle the same issues because what worked with one child did not work with the other. You also need to be careful about all or nothing approaches. For example, being a bit hard nosed may be the right approach for one issue but not necessarily for every issue, the point being that you shouldn’t always be hard nosed. Doing that makes it difficult for your child to differentiate between serious issues, like sleeping around, versus comparatively less serious issues…like cleaning her room.

“argumentative, disrespectful, rude, uncaring of how much she hurts us as parents child” – Have you gotten a diagnosis from the counselor or other professional concerning this? It’s the lack of empathy that has me a bit concerned and sometimes that can be a child’s way of protecting themselves, that is, she may be very sensitive and the way to keep people at a distance so that they don’t hurt her is to push them away through rudeness, etc.

“I have long since blamed myself for much of this” – You shouldn’t blame yourself. Kids often behave differently for others because, where parents are concerned, they know how to push your (our) buttons.

]]> By: Robert http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-27450 Robert Wed, 05 Jan 2011 19:26:16 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-27450 I guess I am a little lost on what your trying to say here. I have a teenage daughter. We are constantly at odds. I have tried to "teach" her responsibility for actions and how interaction with other carries with them outcomes that can be either negative or positive. We have been in counseling for 2 years now to which I have learned in part that many "kids" of today have a TOTALLY different thought process and/or perseption of what is right these days. Example: in our day a girl who slept with someone in short order was considered loose. Today, this is almost becoming the norm and an accepted means of acceptance. I as a father obviously am having a difficult time accepting this. I have tried not to show up at the arguments that I am invited to, but my daughter truly knows what buttons to push to bring me in. When I try and ask how things are going, or how was your day it is received with an attitude of prying, or disbelief of my true intentions. I have long since blamed myself for much of this as my daughter is not like this with friends parents, or at school with the exception of a "old fasioned" teacher who simply demands respect in his/her classroom. The reasoning my daughter gives is they can throw her out of school. This tends to lead me to that I am "just not hard enough" on my daughter. For all the time I have given to coach her in sports, or work with her on home work (when i understand it) all the things I have done for her otherwise, it is greeted with an argumentative, disrespectful, rude, uncaring of how much she hurts us as parents child. So in closing I would like to know just how it is that you say I am supposed to treat my kid? I didn't see in any of your comments how this, in your opinion, was supposed to be done. I guess I am a little lost on what your trying to say here. I have a teenage daughter. We are constantly at odds. I have tried to “teach” her responsibility for actions and how interaction with other carries with them outcomes that can be either negative or positive. We have been in counseling for 2 years now to which I have learned in part that many “kids” of today have a TOTALLY different thought process and/or perseption of what is right these days. Example: in our day a girl who slept with someone in short order was considered loose. Today, this is almost becoming the norm and an accepted means of acceptance. I as a father obviously am having a difficult time accepting this. I have tried not to show up at the arguments that I am invited to, but my daughter truly knows what buttons to push to bring me in. When I try and ask how things are going, or how was your day it is received with an attitude of prying, or disbelief of my true intentions. I have long since blamed myself for much of this as my daughter is not like this with friends parents, or at school with the exception of a “old fasioned” teacher who simply demands respect in his/her classroom. The reasoning my daughter gives is they can throw her out of school. This tends to lead me to that I am “just not hard enough” on my daughter. For all the time I have given to coach her in sports, or work with her on home work (when i understand it) all the things I have done for her otherwise, it is greeted with an argumentative, disrespectful, rude, uncaring of how much she hurts us as parents child. So in closing I would like to know just how it is that you say I am supposed to treat my kid? I didn’t see in any of your comments how this, in your opinion, was supposed to be done.

]]> By: 3 Steps to Conquering ADD ADHD & Other Nonsensical Cures for ADD ADHD | Jeff's A.D.D. Mind http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-25306 3 Steps to Conquering ADD ADHD & Other Nonsensical Cures for ADD ADHD | Jeff's A.D.D. Mind Thu, 11 Mar 2010 08:05:28 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-25306 [...] my analysis of the Total Transformation Program® I decided to revisit the concept of “miracle cures for ADHD.” I googled “3 step [...] [...] my analysis of the Total Transformation Program® I decided to revisit the concept of “miracle cures for ADHD.” I googled “3 step [...]

]]> By: betsy davenport, phd http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-25169 betsy davenport, phd Tue, 23 Feb 2010 00:27:50 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-25169 ont. One small example: the doctor always asks the mother about the child's symptoms. Why is that? It is commonly thought that kids don't observe themselves very well. My experience differs, and I am certain most kids never have a chance. No one ever asks them how THEY are doing -- feeling, thinking, acting. Not out of genuine interest, curiosity, etc. When adults ask kids with behavior problems, there is always an agenda. SInce AD/HD isn't a behavior disorder after all, but a cognitive disorder, people (adults) are focusing on the wrong thing, anyway. Did you ever hear an adult ask a kid with AD/HD about their thinking? About whether they are having trouble with other kids during unstructured time (vs. structured time)? Etcetera. Okay, so I have a lot of thoughts that are less about the TTP and more about how I think kids ought to be treated. ont.
One small example: the doctor always asks the mother about the child's symptoms. Why is that? It is commonly thought that kids don't observe themselves very well. My experience differs, and I am certain most kids never have a chance. No one ever asks them how THEY are doing — feeling, thinking, acting. Not out of genuine interest, curiosity, etc. When adults ask kids with behavior problems, there is always an agenda. SInce AD/HD isn't a behavior disorder after all, but a cognitive disorder, people (adults) are focusing on the wrong thing, anyway. Did you ever hear an adult ask a kid with AD/HD about their thinking? About whether they are having trouble with other kids during unstructured time (vs. structured time)? Etcetera.

Okay, so I have a lot of thoughts that are less about the TTP and more about how I think kids ought to be treated.

]]> By: betsy davenport, phd http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-25168 betsy davenport, phd Mon, 22 Feb 2010 20:26:56 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-25168 Jeff, I would like to write at some length about this and the broader subject, and will do so. For now, in my opinion, if it has "Program" in the name, I don't much like it. Kids with AD/HD and such suffer plenty from their disorder; then their world throws "programs" and "interventions" at them, drops them off like a toaster at therapies, and at some point everyone sighs and wonders why with all the help they got, they just won't act right, take responsibility, etc. If we objectify them, they lose a sense of themselves as the Subjects of their own lives. Jeff,
I would like to write at some length about this and the broader subject, and will do so. For now, in my opinion, if it has "Program" in the name, I don't much like it.

Kids with AD/HD and such suffer plenty from their disorder; then their world throws "programs" and "interventions" at them, drops them off like a toaster at therapies, and at some point everyone sighs and wonders why with all the help they got, they just won't act right, take responsibility, etc. If we objectify them, they lose a sense of themselves as the Subjects of their own lives.

]]> By: Jeff http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-22968 Jeff Sat, 06 Feb 2010 19:33:37 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-22968 Gina, I have great respect for your judgment so if you say the post is good then I know I really hit a home run. So...THANK YOU!! The issue I really had with Dr. Quinn's analysis is that it was an analysis, not of Total Transformation itself, but of programs that are <strong>like</strong> Total Transformation. Footnote number 6 above explicates the problem I'm trying to address and which I think is a flaw, exploited by the publisher of Total Transformation. Gina,

I have great respect for your judgment so if you say the post is good then I know I really hit a home run. So…THANK YOU!! The issue I really had with Dr. Quinn's analysis is that it was an analysis, not of Total Transformation itself, but of programs that are like Total Transformation. Footnote number 6 above explicates the problem I'm trying to address and which I think is a flaw, exploited by the publisher of Total Transformation.

]]> By: Gina Pera http://jeffsaddmind.com/the-total-transformation-program-does-it-work-1071.htm/comment-page-1#comment-22966 Gina Pera Sat, 06 Feb 2010 18:31:08 +0000 http://jeffsaddmind.com/?p=1071#comment-22966 Hi Jeff, You've done a masterful job analyzing and vetting the claims around this program. Kudos! We need to bring more scrutiny to these "miracle" programs," especially when they make claims about ADHD. I am a big fan of Dr. Patricia Quinn. She has been an extremely knowledgeable, compassionate, and altruistic pioneer, leader, and mentor in this field for many years. In short, I trust her opinion. That said, I only have to listen to this guy's video for 60 seconds to know he's over-selling his bill of goods. Yes, effective parenting skills are important; no one would argue with that, especially when it comes to parenting children with ADHD. And no one would argue that today's parents -- often hurried and distracted -- might need some help in shoring up their skills. But one thing is clear: Parenting skills alone will not "cure" ADHD. Even the "parenting experts" who have long cast aspersions on the very idea of ADHD have admitted defeat when it comes to a certain percentage of children with a "glitch in the DNA coil" who don't learn from their mistakes, etc.. Even Sharon Begley, the former Science Journal columnist at the Wall Street Journal, writes about it here (never mind that her columns used to send my scientist husband into throwing the paper down in disgust): <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/id/151758" target="_blank">http://www.newsweek.com/id/151758</a> Do these Johnny-come-latelys provide any mea culpae about how wrong they were to deny and minimize ADHD challenges? Of course not! And does Begley even mention the letters A, D, H, or D? Of course not! That would indicate humility in admitting they misjudged ADHD's impact. And of course they want to see themselves as being original thinkers, it seems. bah! Keep up the great work, Jeff! Hi Jeff,

You've done a masterful job analyzing and vetting the claims around this program. Kudos! We need to bring more scrutiny to these "miracle" programs," especially when they make claims about ADHD.

I am a big fan of Dr. Patricia Quinn. She has been an extremely knowledgeable, compassionate, and altruistic pioneer, leader, and mentor in this field for many years. In short, I trust her opinion.

That said, I only have to listen to this guy's video for 60 seconds to know he's over-selling his bill of goods.

Yes, effective parenting skills are important; no one would argue with that, especially when it comes to parenting children with ADHD. And no one would argue that today's parents — often hurried and distracted — might need some help in shoring up their skills. But one thing is clear: Parenting skills alone will not "cure" ADHD.

Even the "parenting experts" who have long cast aspersions on the very idea of ADHD have admitted defeat when it comes to a certain percentage of children with a "glitch in the DNA coil" who don't learn from their mistakes, etc.. Even Sharon Begley, the former Science Journal columnist at the Wall Street Journal, writes about it here (never mind that her columns used to send my scientist husband into throwing the paper down in disgust):

http://www.newsweek.com/id/151758

Do these Johnny-come-latelys provide any mea culpae about how wrong they were to deny and minimize ADHD challenges? Of course not! And does Begley even mention the letters A, D, H, or D? Of course not! That would indicate humility in admitting they misjudged ADHD's impact. And of course they want to see themselves as being original thinkers, it seems. bah!

Keep up the great work, Jeff!

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