Random Thought Number 1023: It can be difficult to keep it up each and every time. There’s the pressure to keep it up. There’s the embarrassment of not keeping it up. What’s even worse, you work so hard to make sure you can keep it up and sometimes you just fall flat on your face. For well over a year I’ve been using a system to organize my desk: folders; paper calendar; colored marking pens, etc. (I wrote about it in ADDitude Magazine.) It’s grown exponentially. There are too many folders, too many barely legible notes on scraps of paper. My monthly/weekly/daily planning calendar is overflowing with details that requires using an avalanche’s worth of sticky notes. I’ve also been clipping on additional pages that have yet more details (and details and details) associated with various appointments and tasks. I know that I’ll eventually reach my Popeye moment (“That’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more”) and put it all in order but, till then, well, I have to live with the mess.
Random Thought Number 847: I’ve figured out how to deal with my seasonal affective disorder. No more depression for me. This year I’ll remain in panic mode in anticipation of the depression. That’s progress, no?
Random Thought Number 621: So when extraordinarily creative and successful people like Steve Jobs leave their mortal coil, must we assume that they had ADHD? Just wondering out loud because it seems that some people make that assumption. (Attila the Hun was extraordinarily creative and successful. Was he an ADHDer too?) The real question I have is this: when ADHDers make this assertion about someone’s ADHDness — whether or not it is true — are they really saying something about the person who they assume has ADHD or are they really trying to say something about themselves? I don’t mean this in a mean or pejorative way but anyone who has ADHD or lives with an ADHDer knows that ADHD is debilitating. It is not manna from heaven and it is not a gift from the gods. It simply “is” and it “is” something that you have to confront – whether you embrace it, curse it, or try to ignore it like a mosquito – every single moment of your life. When you are awake, when you sleep, when you have sex, when you weed the garden, when you drive your car, you have to deal with your ADHD. The only known escape from ADHD is death. Short of death, you have to live with it and deal with it. So, again, I ask the question, what are we ADHDers really saying about ourselves when we assume that someone famous has ADHD?
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Random Thought Number 768: I’m confronted with the same problem that I had in 2007. I believe that Adderall is helping me to feel normal but I have no clue what “normal” is supposed to feel like. How will I know “normal” when I see it and live it? I’ve never seen the world (or myself) the way others see the world (or myself). Is the medication making me “normal” when I decide to stop writing and cooking and growing vegetables and, instead, throw myself onto the sofa, flip on a football game and yell at my wife for not bringing the beers fast enough? Is that what “normal” is?
No? That’s not it?
I get it.
“Normal” is supposed to be about accomplishing your goals in life. Interesting.
So what happens if those goals are unrealistic and, therefore, are never achieved? Are you still “normal”?
Random Thought Number 933: Remember that “mess” that I described in Random Thought Number 1023? Well, here’s a random thought based on that random thought. (Still with me?) That mess is the externalization of the internal mess in my head, a result of going off of Wellbutrin and Vyvanse. Though getting off of those medications has put me in touch with my inner porn star, it has also resurrected the internal AND external Chaos of the ADHD weltanschauung. Those medications, it seems, only masked and suppressed Chaos and once they were out of my system the Chaos was back.
Perhaps it was naive to think that I could circumvent physics (the Conservation of Chaos assures that chaos cannot be created or destroyed). But it is disappointing to see that the years of Wellbutrin/Vyvanse induced “normalcy” did not have a lasting effect.
Random Thought Number 621 (cont’d): We’re really trying to make ourselves feel good in the same way we identify with a sports figure or team in order to make ourselves feel good. Through some sort of magical transference “their” good fortune – hitting home run number 500 or winning a world series – rubs off on us. We all want to feel like we’re a winner, so we identify with winners.
By the way, there’s a theory that says that some people vote for president, not based on who is the best candidate, but based on who they think will win.