Several months ago I reached out to an ADHD coach to help me with a problem that has plagued me from day one: the problem of time management. In my younger days, time management was never an issue. Youthful vigor made it possible to work insane hours. Twenty years ago I worked thirty-three hours a week as a movie projectionist (Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday eleven hours each day), I taught two courses in sociology (Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings) and I was a full-time graduate student (Monday and Wednesday afternoons and evenings). I was able to keep it all together by simply working long hours. I’m willing to do that again. I’m willing to put in long hours in order to succeed. However, my body won’t let me do that anymore. If I’m up till 2:00AM, I feel groggy for several days. Further, I can no longer do the mental gymnastics that’s needed to keep it all going. I hate to admit this but time is catching up with my body and brain. Putting in more hours to compensate for my lack of time management actually decreases the amount, and quality, of the work I do. But there are still so many things I want to accomplish in life and if I expect to see at least some of them come to fruition, I must tackle my time management problems.
But I’m afraid to do it.
I’m afraid to learn that I don’t have the time to accomplish everything that I want to accomplish.
I’m afraid to learn that I must make choices that impose limits.
I’m afraid to learn that by choosing X, I have eliminated the possibility of ever choosing Y.
But to do nothing, to not make choices, is to languish.
But to make choices is to experience anguish over choices not made, even though I may desperately yearn to make those other choices.
I now understand the appeal of reincarnation.
If I believed in reincarnation I could focus on a few things in this life and, in my next life, I could do those other things that I still want to do.
But I don’t believe in reincarnation.
So I have no choice but to learn how to make hard choices.