That need for crisis…and hate…and focus
That, perhaps, explains much of the A.D.D. life…that need for crisis. It’s as if you are not alive unless there is a crisis: job related; family related, politically related (like a crisis of who to vote for…as if there were a real choice). But the point is that there must be crisis…tension…some sort of angst. And interestingly there is a need to hate something…or someone…just as long as there is hate. It seems to be that, for an ADDer, “hate” is a life force, it is the central engine, the motivating force for many things. But the other aspect of it is that it becomes a focal point for excess energy and the remaining energy can be used on the particular task at hand.
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And here I thought I was the only one!
Wow!! “THAT NEED FOR CRISIS” Jumped off my screen and hit me right between the eyes! So true!
I found something perhaps related in a book titled “Worry.” The author (Hallowell?) has a whole chapter on people who get themselves into desperate straits to, effectively self-medicate with adrenaline. There was one story of a very high-priced attorney who didn’t know how to prepare for cases except by locking himself into his office with materials the night before, staying up and swearing a blue streak. Rather alarming for his wife and children when he started working at home. All because he didn’t realize he was using adrenaline as a drug to make/allow himself focus on his work.
Ah…yes…the addiction to adrenaline. I know it all too well. I think that's what got me through graduate school. A lot of last-minute-late-night cursing and panic as I would stay up all night to write and type up papers that we were due in the morning.
It comes in handy sometimes,,,,but the stress involved is not so great. It’s seams to me a double edged sword……Procrastination involved when lets say, I knew my truck shifting linkage needed a bolt replaced, that was loose and about to break. I have all the stuff I need to fix it quick and easy at home Saturday morning,but I will hyper focus on re-stringing my guitar and practice playing all day, then…..Stuck out in the middle of nowhere, late on a Sunday night I use my adrenaline to actually fix it temporarily and get home…..about the time the sun rises on Monday morning. Oh how wonderful the gift of hyper focus is!
Ouch! I “Hate” it when that happens, but at least I can focus better now. I used my remaining energy to fix my glasses that broke when I was hit right between eyes. And now they focus better than before!
I’m just gonna have to be patient and wait for the next crisis. ……….Got one! My screen is in desperate need of repair,to fix the jumping out at me thing. It’s a vicious circle that I hate!
Scott.