i want to cry
i want to cry each time i read a blog post by a recently-diagnosed ADHDer i want to cry because i know what he is going through i want to cry because i know what the future holds for him i want to cry because it is painful to watch others go down the tried [...]
A Ransom Note From The Kidnapper
(Transcription of ransom note: I am holding you hostage You must give in to my demands I am not kidding If you do not do everything I ask, you will be mine forever) I have given in to all your demands so why are you still holding me hostage? I did exactly what you wanted. [...]
Flooded With Thoughts
Somewhere in my hip is a pinched nerve that seems to only bother me in the middle of the night.1 After shaking off my initial grogginess, I head to the kitchen for some water and then to the computer. During this physical transition my brain shifts into “philosophical contemplation” mode. That usually means that I [...]
Pages From My Notebook
Some days I just get tired of having to push myself. I wish I could just wake up and, voila, no more adhd! ————————————————————- Oh!! Here’s a fcuking eye opener. I have a client who is definitely ADHD. They are god damned psychotic! They drop off the face of the earth and then, blam! they [...]
The Metamorphosis
What happens to an ADHDer when he succeeds at overcoming some of the negative aspects of his “gift”?
Adult ADD As A Form of Madness
More and more I’m beginning to see A.D.D. as a mild form of madness: a sort of insanity that never lets up; an internal force that takes over its “victim” and continually haunts. Manifesting itself as a never-ending urge (and yes, sometimes a voice), its “victims” lead a maddening Sisyphean life as they relive the [...]
Science versus the “A.D.D. Self”
The “Gift or Curse” debate about A.D.D. is really a debate over how to “live” science and how to live one’s life. It is a debate – a battle – between “the science” and “the self.” The science paints a dismal picture of A.D.D.ers as people who are more likely to have financial problems, career [...]
The Curse That Keeps On Giving
A.D.D. is The Curse that Keeps on Giving. It never stops. It never lets up. It never gives you a break. It is a curse from Pandora’s Box. You can’t put it back in. It stays with you till death. You can’t take a drug that will wipe it out. You can’t get a transfusion [...]
The Older A.D.D.er
A.D.D.ers spend years in a dream world. Spinning ever more elaborate fantasies (financial conquests, sexual conquests, social conquests) life seems like a far-off horizon, something that stretches out before you in an infinite regress but which you are never able to reach. Today you have failed but you live to fight another day, holding on [...]
Know Thyself
A.D.D.ers are masters of self-delusion. Our ability to weave mental tapestries to explain anything that needs “explaining away” is our strength, as a source of creativity, and our weakness, as a source of self-delusion. Though we can easily explain anything and everything in the world, we can not explain our own inner workings. This is [...]
Not A.D.D.
I don’t want to be me. I am sick and tired of being me, because being me means being A.D.D. I don’t want everything I do to be an issue. I am sick and tired of dealing with issues. I am sick and tired of being A.D.D. I don’t want to pre-reflect and post-reflect and [...]
Jesus Save Me! (Alternate Title: This Blog will make me Famous…and Rich!)
What is it about A.D.D. that makes you think that one day it will all be gone, that someone will “save” you and the daily struggles will all fall away? Why all the fantasies where the heavens open up, the light shines on you and suddenly you are on the tarmac with Jen Lopez (<= [...]
Lost Time and “The Fog”
What has put me into the deepest of depressions is the realization of how much time has been lost. My perpetual mental “fog” lifts – albeit momentarily – only to reveal that I’ve been mentally asleep for so long it seems I’m starting life anew. There are so many things I should have done which [...]
