I f you were too busy to watch the State of the Union address, feel free to use one of the handy summaries below in your next political conversation with friends and relatives.
Summary Number 1: The Republicans keep interfering with the Democrats half-hearted attempt at pretending that they care about the middle class. Oh. And that drone flying over your house. That’s to keep you safe from your son who, by the way, is in a black site jail cell. Sorry. Can’t tell you what the charges are. National security secret. But you can be sure that he was considered a lethal threat. Now, go back to shopping.
Summary Number 2: Obama is going to tell you how much he loves the middle class while the justice department says it is okay to kill Americans without any trial. What else do you need to know?
Summary Number 3: The Republicans are screwing everything up. The Democrats are fast asleep at the wheel. All those constitutional rights you thought you had because you’re an American citizen? Pffft! All gone. Indefinite detention for you, my little pretty…and your dog too. The End.
Summary Number 4: Obama is going to ruin the economy by protecting all those entitlements for the 47% of Americans that sit at home and collect checks while the top 1% make all the big dollars and get taxed to death and lose all incentive for creating new jobs in Communist China. Why, oh why, didn’t Mitt Romney win? By the way, where is Mitt? Haven’t heard from him in a while.