News From The Not Too Distant Future

Mega Merger! Google & Verizon Become Googizon

Being hailed as the most significant corporate merger of the century, Google, Inc. and Verizon, Inc. have merged and will now be called Googizon. According to Googizon spokesperson Ishiro Honda, Googizon will be able to provide all of the top web and technology offerings for a fixed monthly price. The web and technology package will include:

Honda noted that in light of the recent acquisition of Myspace, FaceBook and Twitter, Google will include its new service Google Humanity. In addition, a Googizon customer will have access to twenty different websites:

  1. Fox News
  2. Google Today
  3. Amazon
  4. Google In The News
  5. The Heritage Foundation
  6. Home Shopping Network
  7. A Christian Nation
  8. God Hates Fags and Jews (formerly known as the Westboro Baptist Church)
  9. Alaska Today
  10. Home Schooling with Sean Hannity
  11. Google In The Future
  12. The Bill O’Reilly Show
  13. The John Birch Society
  14. Real Americans From Real America (formerly known as SarahPac)
  15. Jews for Jesus
  16. Understanding History (formerly known as “The Newt Gingrich Show”)
  17. The National Rifle Association
  18. Small Minded But Proud
  19. The World of Beck, Limbaugh and Coulter
  20. Clean Coal Technology

When asked if current internet users will be upset because they will no longer be able to access the 109 million other websites that currently exist, Honda said, “Users will be so thrilled by the superb download speeds made possible through this vast reduction of web clutter that they will not really miss those other websites.”

But not everyone is thrilled with this merger. Protesters associated with the soon to be terminated website (the MediaMatters website will not be part of the Googizon web package) were outside Googizon headquarters handing out mimeographed letters of protest. “This is an affront to the free speech rights of every American citizen,” said MediaMatters spokesperson Wadda Bunch. “However, we will not be deterred. We are already planning a Peoples’ Internet that will use standard BBS software. We are hopeful that the FCC will grant us access to the Internet backbone but, if necessary, we can make it accessible to anyone who has a dial-up modem.” The American Federation of Teachers voiced concern that so many educational resources will disappear and will be replaced by a very narrow perspective of history and the world in general. However, Googizon Education Coordinator Ima Dolt said that the Googizon offerings have been thoroughly vetted by the prestigious Texas State Board of Education who approved the final list of websites.

Some have questioned the legality of the merger and have asked the US Justice Department and the Securities and Exchange Commission to block the merger until a full investigation has been completed. Both departments are expected to complete their reviews by the end of the week and many believe that the merger will not be blocked. Though two months away from assuming office, President-elect Palin, seen with Dick Cheney as they boarded a private jet, was showing enthusiasm for the merger.  “We Alaskans love mergers as do all real Americans,” she said.

On a related topic, see this video:

Print Friendly

Tags: , ,

  • Katy Rollins

    Ew. Stop it.

    • Jeff

      Does that mean you agree with my prognosis?

  • Scott Hutson

    20 yrs. ago…10 yrs ago…9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,……..?.. ;)

ADHD: Awesome and Deadly

An email from an ADHDer. Subject: Open this email I have ADD and I want to share! Message: Hi Jeff, [...]

What It Feels Like To Have ADHD

ADHD – A Love Story (Part 6)

The Trap is Set

The Wanderer

The Child Within The Man

ADHD – A Love Story (Part 5)

The System Is Blinking Red

ADHD – A Love Story (Part 4)

A Quick Bite

ADHD – A Love Story (Part 3)

Thick As A Brick

How Do You Know If You Have ADHD?

The Warning Signs of ADHD

ADHD – A Love Story (Part 2)

Warning Signs

ADHD – A Love Story (Part 1)

The Ground Shakes

A Cure for ADHD

Satisfaction Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!

The Perfect Month

What A Great Time Of Year

That’s What I Call ADHD-Friendly Software

A recent ADHD newsletter noted that The Brain — a mind mapping software — might be a useful tool for [...]

Life in the Modern Age

Sixteen months ago I moved from the world of entrepreneurship — a portmanteau comprised of the French word entrepreneur, which [...]

E-Card Fun

Some more e-card humor: Expressing Your ADHD Self…Digitally A Few Laughs, Giggles & Groans

While Rome Burns

I’ve started collecting screenshots of online advertising. I’m trying to understand the message. The ad below says that if I’m [...]

Kiss Your Distractions Goodbye

Do one thing at a time

ADHD Does Not Exist

I can’t tell what is more disturbing. A book titled “ADHD Does Not Exist: The Truth About Attention Deficit and [...]