My Head Hurts: Life As A Natural Born CTD

M ust ADHDers struggle with the same issues? Admittedly, I am not like every other ADHDer so perhaps my situation is unique. For example, I’m quite good-looking, intelligent, witty, entertaining, creative and modest. I was also diagnosed late in life so the benefits of ADHD (in addition to modesty), such as the inability to handle money, (actually…I do a great job handling money…I hand it over to the credit card companies all the time), the inability to stick with a course of action (actually…I consistently stick with the same course of action…if I am about to succeed I stop and do something else), the inability to express a full range of emotions (actually…I  freely express both of my emotions: happiness and anger. Does that make me emotionally bipolar?) have calcified, making it a long, difficult and painful task to change my ADHD-induced characteristics. When I read the blogs of other ADHDers who, by the way, are doing a wonderful job of dealing with their issues (for example, see Katy and Mungo), it still pains me to see they are dealing with the same issues that I dealt with, and it seems, most every other ADHDer has to deal with. As natural born Crash Test Dummies (CTD), we smash into the same walls again and again until we learn, for ourselves, how to deal with the wonders of “the gift.” After each crash we examine our instruments to determine the extent of the damage caused by the impact: Was my phone service turned off? Did I miss another project deadline? Did I f–k up another friendship? After the instrument check, we put in better safety equipment, such as online calendars; electronic reminders; a plethora of Post-Its. These ADHD air-bags and proximity detectors reduce the number of crashes and, when a crash occurs (there is ALWAYS going to be a crash), these safety devices reduce the damage.

Still, despite the improvements in ADHD safety equipment (and the drugs), it’s a bit depressing  to see that other ADHDers can’t avoid crashing into the same walls that I have crashed into again and again and again. Perhaps that is the way it should be. Perhaps there is no shortcut to learning to deal with ADHD. Perhaps Papa Mousekewitz was right all along. “Fievel, if growing up were so easy, would it take so long?” But I’m…er…way past 30 years old. When will I finally grow up? Enquiring minds want to know.

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  • Scrubbybubbles

    HA!! I am 43 & i am JUST NOW coming to a place where I feel like I have finally “grown up” I think that it depends more on how we feel about ourselves ( self image) & less about actually ” growing up”. Personally, the more I have learned about this “gift” the better I have been able to deal with things & people. Knowing that there isnt something “freakishly wrong” with me has gone a LONG way in helping me develop the more positive aspects of my personality.

    • Jeffs ADD Mind

      I’ll certainly admit that the term “grown up” is, well, fraught with problems. In fact, it’s a terrible term. You are correct to say that it is more about how we feel about ourselves. And while I’ve certainly changed and “grown up” (whatever that means), still, there are those moments when I feel that I haven’t grown up at all.

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