Oh no. Not another post about anger.
No. It’s not about anger. I just needed a rhyming word for the post’s title.
So the post isn’t about anger, right?
Well, sort of right. It isn’t about anger. But I am a bit mad about S.A.D.
I thought I had it licked.
I was wrong.
I realized this year — Spring of 2011 — that all my Seasonal Affective Disorder (aka S.A.D., aka SAD) “cures” don’t work. When I started taking Wellbutrin seven years ago (shit! seven years since that fateful day when I was officially diagnosed!!) the first change was the deep depression that would set in during the winter: it was gone. That was an improvement. Now that I’ve been on Vyvanse for about two years (thank you, Gina, for telling me about Vyvanse), my brain has been firing on all 12 cylinders. My expectations have changed because I’m aware of so many things in my life that are in need of fixing.
When I started on Wellbutrin, my point of comparison was between ADHD Without Wellbutrin (AWOW) and ADHD With Wellbutrin (AWW). I noticed a radical change in my life because of the Wellbutrin. My winter blues were gone (at least I didn’t go into a deep depression) and I was able to modify some of my more destructive ADHD behaviors. But adding Vyvanse (AWWWV?) has given me a new point of comparison. With all cylinders firing, I’ve been able to see and understand so much more and make some substantial changes in my life. So it was last year that I noticed that I was a still a little sad from SAD and I was determined to do something about it. I acquired a HappyLight.
The HappyLight worked…for a while. But this has been an unusually brutal winter here in the Northeast and multiple snow storms, weeks of gloomy weather and weeks of being stuck inside the house had negated any positive effects from the full-spectrum light. It helped to perk me up a bit and, for about two weeks it worked fine. But as winter wore on, its effectiveness tapered off. This became obvious now that the days are again getting longer. There is a level of alertness that only comes from these longer, sunnier days and which cannot be achieved through Wellbutrin, Vyvanse, a HappyLight and tantric sex with a hot looking woman in my backyard hot tub (Okay…I haven’t tried this last cure but I’m willing if you’re willing. If you are female, between the ages of 25-45 (±5 years), enjoy discussions of politics, cooking, home repair and vegetable gardening while listening to a wide variety of music (classical; zydeco; metal; oldies; punk; glam, etc.), email your picture to jeff at jeffsaddmind dot com. Blonds are given priority. Tattoos are a plus. Please allow four to six weeks for a reply because, if by some miracle I *do*get an email from a willing participant, I’ll have to buy a hot tub and install it). So while the depression has been licked, it seems impossible to get rid of the brain fog. All 12 cylinders of my brain may be firing but obviously a number of them misfire during the winter.
Next year I’m going to have to try something different.
I could schedule a trip to Mercury (a day lasts about 58 earth days) but the temperature can be a bit on the high side (about 180 degrees F.). That may not be a good idea. I’m also not sure if any of the airlines fly to Mercury though it’s likely that Virgin Airlines is taking reservations…for the future.
I could put myself into a cryogenic freeze in October and get defrosted and revived in April. Then I would never experience S.A.D. because, well, I’d be dead during that critical period of time. Since I feel that I have only lived half a year each and every year of my life because of S.A.D. (during the S.A.D. period I feel I am in suspended animation) I should now be, chronologically, only 26 years old. Since no one has told that to my body (it just keeps aging regardless of my alertness or lack thereof), the cryogenic freeze may slow down the aging since I’ll be dead for half the year. I need to find out the cost of cryogenic freezing and whether anyone has been successfully brought back to life after being defrosted.
I could schedule a mid-winter trip to Florida. It would give me an opportunity to spend some time with my mother, it would avoid the nasty sunburn I would get on Mercury, and it would be much less expensive than yearly cryogenic freezing, defrosting and reviving.
And while in Florida…I could also visit Mickey Mouse.