If you haven’t already done so, check out this post. It’s for the newly diagnosed.
http://jeffsaddmind.com/advice-for-the-adult-adhd-newbie-3170.htm

And don’t hesitate to leave comments on any of the posts. Doesn’t matter how old some of them are. The issues are still relevant.

I’ll start by saying that I was diagnosed with ADHD a little over a month ago. It’s been one constant, heavy-duty, hyper-focused research event since then. First I searched for information on the medication I was prescribed. I realized that most of the sites that I was visiting were full of aholes that get to be even better than “normal” when they take it because they don’t need it. Next I started finding sites that had a positive spin on things and began to think that maybe I was as superhuman as I had always suspected!

A week went by and then I found this site… I could not believe it. This site was responsible for more panic that I have ever felt. Post after post was written by some stalker that had somehow been blogging about my life! This place has been a real brain-bender for me. 

When I came to this post in particular one morning (3AM of course), I read each word with rapt attention as you articulately detailed all of the issues that I have been perpetuating in my relationships for so long. I never saw things that way. How could I? My wife (number 2, mother of my 3rd child) would never have been able to spit that much out before I blew up in some self-righteous maelstrom that would have left her picked apart and defeated again. I cried as I realized what I had been doing. Still following my instinct to make myself feel better about it first, I went upstairs and woke my wife to read it to her.
I even began recognized my mood changing as I would look up to see her face as I read certain parts. Things have been getting better since that evening.

I can tell that my wife feels liberated in knowing that I am finally getting the idea. I worked through my temper flare ups a while ago (years before us) but the visceral defense mode kept her from expressing a lot of herself. It’s definitely not been easy learning how to listen and I think I may have a nervous breakdown along the way (shes working this hard in case I lose interest of course lol) but I am SO committed.

Imagine my surprise when I realized that there is this funny and interesting person here with me that has ideas and personality to share as well!

I’m right at the beginning and it seems like the challenges continue, and intensify, but I feel really fortunate to have come across this blog. Thanks for putting in the time to make this place happen Jeff!

It’s a male thing LOL to try to fix things…..some things can’t be solved and Life has to just be let to flow along for a bit, there are lessons there if we can slow down long enough to see them.
Take off that White Knight hat for a bit, put your arm around her shoulders and listen, and trust me I know it’s hard because some thought occurs and you want to spit it out, or maybe you can’t sit still because there are million things that suddenly need done….forget about it LOL
Look at her, hear her, give her validation of her feelings, tell her by saying nothing that she is the most important thing in the world to you.
I don’t know about the “Fighter” part LOL but I know I feel like I’ve been in a war and it’s not over yet…
One day at a time

Crimson

Is’nt just great to be in that 2-5% of patients!?(I’m kidding). But I can totaly relate to you in that respect,to all the med. things in my own life.

I can see by your words that you are a “Fighter” and you have fought many battles. I know the feeling of being alone(my own fault),but you not alone. Believe me, when I say…Your DH is concerned and thinking about you alot more than he is able to show to you.

You are learning more about him, than he probably knows about himself. I see this in my own DW, as she can read my mind(so to speak)…but I also am learning to understand her/you,and the stress she is going through.

I will give her a big hug, and listen,instead of avoiding the reality of her stress, and trying to convince her that I can solve all the problems.(I would be,and am a big liar about knowing everything..LOL).

Scott.

I cross my fingers because dermoids are generally non-cancerous but the chance is there. And they say there is only a 5% chance of recurrence but I ended up in that percentage LOL So I am looking at more surgery and/or a hysterectomy because it’s growing and is almost 2 inches now *SIGH*
So – I will say I love the “weird way” my husband thinks – but sometimes I just need to know that he does have ME in his mind too, amongst all the noise the world throws at him.
Anyone remember the cellular ads ..”Do you hear me now?”
Let’s just say – for alot of years I thought I was going INSANE. I now understand so much more, and beacuse I am willing to understand, my state of mind is much more calm.
Give your wife a hug and tell her how glad you are to have her.

Crimson

I am the one who should be thanking you. My wife just had a mass removed from her breast, and it was days before it was comfirmed “NOT CANCER!!”(I cant think of the word). But the days before surgery, and the waiting after, were very stressfull for her and me.

It had to be hard for her to listen to me analyizing,and trying to convince her not to worry about it…and just a bunch of thoughts I had about it.I talk in circles and probably caused more stress for her.

I have to realize she dose’nt think the same weird way I do about things. I hope your medical problems turn out as good as hers have,Crimson. And THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts, and feelings, about living with an A.D.D.er, and the emotional stress we/I put on the ones we love the most. I do know it has to be hard for you. Please keep us posted about this.

Scott.

In my last comment of “If you could see in my mind.”The more I re-read your post(I’ve read all posts on this subject over and over many times,this subject is very important to me),I have to tell you…You are very close to seeing in my mind,and probably your husbands.This is a good thing. So don’t think I am trying to criticize your “wanting to have ADD” thoughts,I do know what you mean.

Scott.

When I am by myself, though, I do not think aloud, which must be annoying for those who live with me and find themselves cast as talking posts instead of sentient, thinking human companions.

In my defense, it is also true that I have no need to think aloud when alone, because its purpose is often to keep myself on track in the context of the distraction created by the very presence of another person in the room.

As for trying to convince oneself that one is correct, that is not exactly my thing. On the contrary, I have often thought that if people would only do what I suggest, their lives would be so much better.

You put that very well & as always, you do understand what I try to say.

Crimson,

You know via my comments,my respect for you and I understand your feelings,and am helped by your insight.

On your “I want to have ADD”. I know exactly how you feel in some ways. So this is no attempt to argue or complain about them. I will just tell you what I have found to be true for me.

Before I ever was concerned about having any traumatic event in my life. I would hear of ppl being diagnosed with terminal illness’s and what they did and thought about it. I would say: “Well this is what I would do if it happened to me.” I dont have at this time what I define as a terminal illness,but there was a period of months where it was thought to be(thats still being debated, but I’m still up-n-going every day, so thats irrelevent to me),but I do know I was very wrong about what I would do.

When I said I knew what I would do,I thought I would just go away and be alone and let it happen,and cram every selfish pleasure I could think of before it took me.But I didnt,and chose to fight and found a streangth I didnt know I could ever have.

It could very easily been the other way around. My only point here is to show how it feels to “Not be there” then later “Be there.” And the thing all of us ADDers don’t have is that when it becomes obviuos we have always had ADD. So as I said at the start of this post/comment,I do know what your feeling,and understand the reason. I can tell you only what I feel about my own ADD,and I know you wouldnt like the way it can affect my mind,if you could see inside it. I do hope your husband will benefit as much as I have with medications and your quality of life improves every day.

Scott.