Having Adult A.D.D. means…

I was recently diagnosed (about 9 months ago) as having Adult ADD. I’ll be 33 years old in September, and I am going back to college again. I can understand how Jeff feels about it not being a “gift” even though I am younger than he was, when I was diagnosed. While I enjoy having an intense understanding of other peoples minds, being a social magnet and bouts of hyperfocus, I feel robbed of so much. Time and anger have always been my great enemies. I see myself getting older, but I still feel the same (except more life experience and education). I still lock up mentaly when someone asks me what I want to do when I grow up. I feel lost and at the mercy of my octopus brain. Unless a subject has me riveted, my octopus brain is tendriling through other things until I’m strung in eight different directions. AHHHHRRRGGG! Right now I’m supposed to be doing math homework.
well back to math, but I thought I’d chime in and say thank you for the wonderful forum, and you are appreciated for your voice, opinion and support of others who share your personal demon.
Steve

Steve,

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I was in graduate school in my 30s…so I’m aware of the pluses of ADD (hyperfocus) and the pitfalls (time and anger issues). And I’m a lot older than you and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

Jeff

I find it interesting how so many experiencing ADHD say they’re ‘social magnets’ or ‘the life of the party’. I’ve found relationships of any kind enormously difficult. Invitations are rarely offered or accepted. Just a thought…

Robin,

When I was younger I was much like you. Relationships were difficult. I didn’t like being at parties (I would hide myself). Something changed for me, though, in my mid-20′s. Becoming the “life of the party” became part of my persona. But as I’ve come to recently learn, that ability to be the life of the party is really my way of dealing with my underlying anxiety.

Robin,

How about the “Small Party” of freinds,co-workers,family…etc..In our daily lives, past & present? Thats what I’ve seen in myself,and the way it has/had become a way of trying to be in controle of everything…when I can’t even controle myself.

Scott.

You mention “being the life of the party”. The ADHD man I am involved with is the life of the party when anyone else is around however completely shuts down when it is just the 2 of us. Is this part of ADHD or is it just him?

Sass,

I’ve written so many things on this blog and, well, there are some things that I wish I didn’t write. That particular line – “being the life of the party” – is one of those lines that I wish I didn’t write. At the time I was still under the sway of the “A.D.D. is a Gift” non-sense and those still enthralled by this snake oil often site this alleged characteristic (sometimes they say “sense of humor”, see: http://www.adhd-information-exchange.com/The-Gift-Of-ADHD.html ).

What I have concluded, based admittedly on a small sample size (my own experience and the experience of other A.D.D.ers I’ve spoken to) is that “life of the party” is, well, non-sense. In my own case, when I was much younger I was NOT the life of the party. In fact I was the wallflower of the party. I avoided as much human interaction as possible and, when I was at a party, I was physically (and mentally) at the periphery. I did not become the life of the party until much later in life. Recently I’ve come to realize that being the life of the party is a defense mechanism. It allows you to control others through laughter. If you can keep them laughing…you can keep them off guard…you can keep them liking you (and, therefore, you are potentially in no danger).

So, do not take it personally that he is not the life of the party when he is at home. He’s on safe territory…no need for the defense mechanism.

I just got diagnosed as well at 24. I had become an alcoholic with substance abuse issues…lol. Literally sneaking pints of hard liquor into my office job everyday because I couldn’t stand it. The funny thing is, no one ever even suspected anything from my job performance. That shows the amount of mental ability you need for an office job, hell, a drunk ADDer can do it.
But seriously I do like this breakdown of traits. I had become such a cynic and just not fun to be around at all. So negative about life in general with no self-esteem whatsoever….so yeah a real joy. The sad thing was I still wanted to be around people, I still really liked all my friends but I ruined a few friendships and a relationship because of being so sarcastic and bored.
Once I started taking stimulant medication I couldn’t believe I was actually feeling good without abusing something. Now I love people again and can actually show it. Once you realize you have this issue it can become such a strength.

Jessica, it’s great that you got diagnosed and that you are seeing the benefits of the medication. And it certainly is quite interesting how you can function at your job despite your…er…imbibing. If you’re also getting therapy (along with the medication) then you’re well on your way to getting a good handle on your ADHD.

Thanks. I have the more depressant form of ADD and probably should get some sort of behavioral counseling. Each day I seem to realize something new about my previous mode of thinking and the total gyp having this and not realizing it is. You get walked on and think you deserve it. I get frustrated trying to explain this to family members that don’t have it. You’re basically describing color to the blind. When you go untreated or keep getting misdiagnosed with depression you lose hope. Anti-depressant after anti-depressant tends to shake your faith in the docter and send you to the street dealers. My breaking point was when I just impulsively started walking out on jobs and not paying bills, even though I was perfectly capable of keeping the job and paying the bills. Marijuana was a great help with focus along with of course cocaine, however, just because I now have legal medicine to replace that I still have issues with thinking I need to be high to be happy. The addictions are slowly fading but the ingrained behavior is not. But all in all I am much happier and have a new found zest for life and learning.
Do you think people that abused drugs prior to finding treatment will need therapy or will that tendency go away with time?

“I have the more depressant form of ADD” – To be more precise…what you have is the most common form of comorbidity which is depression. (See me raising my hand? I have that lovely comorbidity too. Wellbutrin has helped me tackle it.)

“You’re basically describing color to the blind.” – This, unfortunately, sounds about right. You try to explain things to a non-ADHDer and they give you that quizzical look or just think you are plain nuts.

“keep getting misdiagnosed” – This is certainly one of the worst parts of undiagnosed ADHD, when the professional picks up the “obvious” diagnosis and completely misses the “other” obvious diagnosis.

“even though I was perfectly capable of keeping the job and paying the bills.” – It’s common to hit some sort of breaking point where things kind of fall apart. Something(s) brought you to this point…which is quite common for an ADHDer. I use the metaphor of the spinning plates. Life is great and then you reach a point where you can’t keep them spinning anymore and they start crashing all around you.

“I still have issues with thinking I need to be high to be happy.” – Over time this thought will fade away (to a large degree). Vigorous walking, good music, a good movie, a hike in the woods, etc., can provide a different kind of high that can make you happy (especially the exercise: walking; running, etc.). Give yourself time to explore the other aspects of life that are satisfying and not related to drugs. You’ll find that there are other things out there that can make you happy.

“Do you think people that abused drugs prior to finding treatment will need therapy or will that tendency go away with time?” – The drug abuse was a way of handling your undiagnosed ADHD. Now that you *are* diagnosed and you *are* on medication…this will become less of an issue. But your need to remain in therapy will have less to do with the drug abuse and more to do with the ADHD.

I shall continue to do my best. I appreciate the input.