Fantasia on a Wellbutrin-less Theme




Several days ago I got the best news of my life. I learned that Jennifer Lopez was getting divorced. I’m ecstatic. Finally I will be able to live out my fantasy of hot sex with this hot babe. I don’t know where she lives but I know it is nearby. I’ll be ready and waiting at the local Wendy’s for the moment when she walks in the door. (Hopefully I won’t gain too much weight as I sit all day eating Spicy Chicken Sandwiches.) Oh. There is a problem. I’ve already got my sight set on another recent divorce, Patricia Arquette. Now what the hell am I supposed to do.

. . . . .

Don’t we realize that we are headed back to the same old times we had 100 years ago? We have no sense of the sweep of history. We are so fucking egocentric, so fucking deluded with our own self-importance, that we think nothing bad can really happen to us, only to other people. But, damn it, look at it! The New York Times has a book review on a book about the transcontinential railroads. Those railroad barons were fucking bastards and they didn’t care who they had to step on, who they had to crush, to get what they wanted. Is there any difference between that and what Wall Street did to the entire country and the entire world economy? Now all of us can experience those good ol’ days when there were no unions (and if you tried to form one you’d probably be killed), no health insurance, no social safety net, no nothing. And the irony of ironies? Now we ALL get to work for coolie wages and now the coolies have our entire economy and all our fucking jobs and they are doing just great with it, thanks for asking.

. . . .

I swear I can’t get a fucking thing done. I’m off my meds for almost a month and, shit, you mean to tell me this is a gift? This is the thing that people think is so fucking wonderful that they think every kid should have it for Christmas? Well, fuck you! This is no fucking gift. This ADHD shit is maddening, it’s psychosis on steroids. It drives you nucking futs!

. . . .

Anyone else fantasize about having alternate lives? Isn’t that the source of frustration, what drives some ADHDers to do crazy things because they think that Patricia Arquette is really really gonna take notice of them so they get divorced so they can be ready for her phone call?

. . .

What a fucking gift, eh?

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  • Katy Rollins

    Uh ohhhh…I better do back a few posts and see if I missed something. If the answer isn’t to be found there, then do tell (if you’re willing) why you’re not taking meds.

    If it helps you feel any better, you sound a lot like me when I don’t take meds :) It’s okay, lots of great people with ADHD know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve been a few days without Concerta because I haven’t been able to get to the pharmacy and my irritation level is…well, let’s just say it’s a little closer to “natural” than I’d like it to be. And earlier this year when I ran out of my 25mg nortriptyline and substituted two 10mg buggers instead…after a week I was grinding my teeth and walking around feeling like a ticking anxiety bomb as my natural ambient anxiety level went back up (yes, I’m that med sensitive that a 5mg difference is extremely apparent).

    Enough about me and back to you: I hear you bro, and it does suck. If being off meds long term is in your cards, it will take some time to get used to. But it’s not your fault that J-Lo is hot (nobody rocks white capris like J-Lo, dude) and Patricia Arquette does have a certain “vulnerable but maybe a little nuts” vibe that I know, to some, is slightly alluring. (Though why not Rosanna, Toto did write a song about her after all). So it’s not all figment. Just don’t get on a plane this afternoon to CA :)

    • Jeffs ADD Mind

      Katy, you didn’t miss any posts, re: no meds. It was a financial decision and I hope to soon get back on meds. However, I’m finding the contrast to be quite interesting. It’s interesting to see how quickly you can slip back into old habits. It’s interesting to see what role the medication plays in your life and, finally, it’s interesting to reconfirm that this “gift” ain’t no gift at all. All this is fodder for my bestselling NY Times non-fiction book which is soon to be made into a major motion picture (as soon as I finish writing the book and as soon as it makes it to the NYT book list).

      As for J-Lo and Patricia, they both remind me of people that have been in my life. More interesting is how vivid the imagination can be and, combine that with some of the self-regulation issues that come with “the gift” and you can understand why some ADHDers can make some very bad decisions in life.

    • Relationships

      Hey Katy — lots of people are that meds-miligram-sensitive. You’re just one of the few who notices it. :-)

      • Katy Rollins

        Haha…well it’s funny how many docs seem to find it unusual! I wonder how often that factor is the true cause of people not being able to find any meds that “work” for them. Sometimes, I guess it’s good to be uncompromising!

  • topper

    The Railroad Barons “Bought Congress” just as the congressmen are in the pockets of Corporations today.  The Founding Fathers would be abhorred at the degradation of our country. Jeff, as I well know—”Think what you say, don’t Say What you think”. But on your Blog, you can expectorate all you want. Fight against the struggles. Take care of yourself, your family and friends. Do What is Right. What is Good. And What is Just. Be happy you don’t live in Connecticut. It is becoming a “Banana Republic” by our dyslexsic governor who was bought by the State Public Workers Unions.

    • Jeffs ADD Mind

      I don’t know what the Connecticut governor is doing but…the entire U.S. is becoming a banana republic.

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