People Google The Darndest Things

Feb 22nd, 2008 | Humor | No Comments

People search for the darnedest things and their search terms show up in a web site's statistics. I've pulled out a few interesting search terms (in italics below) that have shown up in this site's statistics. Oh…I've also provided the answer that was sought.

  • sexes enormous - See "girlfriend, zoftik."1
  • surgeon discomfort discussing sex  - No surprise there. Probably makes sense to first wait for the anaesthesia to wear off.
  • shoot for the cure - Believe me…I've thought of that cure. ;)
  • adult adhd deregulation - Is it handled by OSHA or the CDC?
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  1. Zoftik - a description of someone who isn't obese but has “something to grab on to'', such as large thighs. Source: Yiddish and Hebrew Words. [↩]

People Google The Darnedest Things, Revisited

Dec 22nd, 2007 | Humor | 1 Comment

People search for the darnedest things and their search terms show up in a web site's statistics. I've pulled out a few interesting search terms (in italics below) that have shown up in this site's statistics. Oh…I've also provided the answer that was sought.

  • aspergers versus adhd: Hmmm…aspergers…adhd…aspergers…adhd. I choose none of the above.
  • ADD cures: Sorry to disappoint you. ADD cures nothing.
  • could ADHD be in your head?: Were you thinking it was in your tuchus?1
  • what does a brain tumour look like:2 A lump in your head.
  • snake oil: Great for eliminating squeaky snakes
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  1. "TUCHUS - your bottom, buttocks. By the 1940's, a slang version in use was 'tushee', which later was shortened to 'tush', now in regular use throughout American culture, thanks to Jewish film makers." Source: Yiddish Glossary [↩]
  2. This search phrase has shown up many times in this site's statistics. Is it possible that people are purchasing the new Ronco MRI Machine, which is great for checking for lumps in your head while you are relaxing and watching a football game? [↩]

Parents Of Nasal Learners Demand Odor-Based Curriculum

Oct 18th, 2007 | Humor | No Comments

;)

Backed by olfactory-education experts, parents of nasal learners are demanding that U.S. public schools provide odor-based curricula for their academically struggling children.

Parents Of Nasal Learners Demand Odor-Based Curriculum | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

;)

People Google The Darndest Things

Oct 16th, 2007 | Humor | No Comments

On my other blog - Jeff, the A.D.D. Chef - I examined the site’s statistics and specifically focused in on the search terms people used to find that website. (See: Answers To Your Cooking Questions or, People Google The Darndest Things) In light of that experience I took a look at the search terms people used to find this website. Reproduced below is a sample of those search terms and, what I believe, are the answers those people were searching for.

  • “how to fake adult add” Ans: First, start on a major project like remodeling your bathroom. After the bathtub has been ripped out you should then fire up your grill and start cooking some steaks. While the steaks are cooking, get some beer, turn on the television and watch a baseball game. After ten minutes go back up to the bathroom and remove the bathroom sink. Go back to the grill, flip over the steaks, go into your garage and take out your lawn mower. While the steaks are still cooking, mow the lawn. It should now be near dinner time. Take the steaks into the house, sit in front of the television and watch “CSI: Miami.” After finishing dinner, go into your garage and open the hood on your car. Notice how dirty the engine is. Grab a can of gunk remover and start spraying the engine. After it soaks in take your garden hose and wash off the engine. After the gunk has been removed, pull the car out of the garage. Looking through the rearview mirror you should notice all of the gunk on the floor. Drive to your local all-night home improvement center to get special cleaner for a concrete floor. While there pick up new light bulbs, a replacement cordless drill and molding for that dining room project you never finished. Get back home. Spray the “other” gunk remover on the floor. While it is soaking into the concrete, go back into the house and fix the cable connection to your television (you noticed during the baseball game that there was a problem). Rearrange your living room furniture so you can get to the back of…….. Well, you should get the picture by now. ;)
  • “what do brain tumors feel like” Ans: Lumps in your head.
  • “wake yech” Ans: Sleep good.
  • “jeff van winkle” Ans: That’s Rip’s brother.
  • “does adhd exist” Ans: Nope. It’s all in your head.
  • “hare krishna,burnouts” Ans: Why did someone search for this? They already had the answer to their question.1 ;)
  • “how to take control of an ADD mind” Ans: Have you ever seen video footage of the bull runs in Pamplona? Good. So imagine the A.D.D. mind is like one of those bulls and you are one of the runners. All you need to do is grab the bull by the horns.2
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  1. Added on Oct. 19, 2007 [↩]
  2. Added on Oct. 23, 2007 [↩]