But how is it even possible that I’ve run out of things to say about ADHD? My ADHD is not gone. Yet something fundamental has changed. A new Jeff — version 3.0(?) — has emerged and is the very reason why I have run out of things to say about ADHD.  In version 3.0 of me, I have stopped thinking about ADHD. It is no longer the center of my universe. It is gone, not in the sense that it has been eradicated, but in the sense that it’s a minor annoyance. I feel that a “Jeff” I haven’t seen in decades has come back, the “Jeff” that was always doing something interesting, the “Jeff” of my graduate school days who worked three days a week as a movie projectionist, taught two courses at a local college and was a full-time student in a PhD program. That “Jeff” that did it all, kept all of those plates spinning…and successfully too. That was the Jeff that didn’t know he had ADHD, the Jeff that just went ahead with his life and did whatever he had to do because it was what he had to do. But now that that Jeff has come back there is an important difference. That Jeff — the current Jeff  Version 3.0 — knows that he has ADHD. He knows he may hit a wall BUT NOW he knows how to get around that wall, how to jump over that wall or, if necessary, how to tunnel right through that wall.

This version of Jeff was always there, waiting to reemerge, but he needed help. He needed, as Dr. Barkley puts it in his Taking Charge of Adult ADHD, a set of “ramps” to overcome his “handicap”: a weekly calendar, daily walks and, finally, a general routine for the day and the evening.¹ But most importantly, this Jeff has moved beyond ADHD. It is not a curse and it is not a source of superpowers. This Jeff has stopped focusing on it as the be-all-and-end-all of his life and, instead, he’s placed the other 98% of his life in the middle of it all, focusing on what he needs to accomplish and NOT on what interferes with what he needs to accomplish. If something does interfere, he figures out how to get around it, how to get unstuck.

I cannot emphasize enough how different I feel now that my life does not revolve around the dark star of ADHD. Of course my ADHD is not gone. Far from it. In fact, it can never be gone. But I’ve reached a point where my ADD mind is not dwelling on ADD all day long. This, it seems to me, is the real goal of all of this reading and blogging and psychologizing and coaching and medicating and exercising. To metaphorically CURE ADHD. But as for those others who obsess over ADHD and, through divination, find hidden powers that only the cognoscenti can have access to, they are not dealing with their ADHD. In fact, they are doing the opposite. They are putting ADHD in the center of the universe when they really should be putting it way out there, way past Pluto or, better yet, in another galaxy.²

Have no fear. I’ll still be writing about ADHD but at times it won’t be obvious that I am doing so. That’s because Jeff’s ADD Mind has become Jeff’s Mind, with a dash of ADD.

1. Following Sydney Holt’s advice, I try to get to sleep around the same time each night and, following Dr. Parker’s advice, I try to get my seven  or so hours of sleep. Melatonin has definitely helped me with this.
2. I often wonder why many of the newly diagnosed want to become ADHD coaches. You never hear people say, “Hey…I’ve been diagnosed with prostate cancer. You know what? I think I’ll become an oncologist!”

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My first encounter with Jeff was in 2004, the result of a FOIA lawsuit I filed when I was investigating the CIA’s Delta Team.¹ His appearance in the courtroom and some of the declassified documents verified that he was part of this elite team. Though we met as adversaries in the courtroom, I realized later on that I left a significant impression on him. When his book, Take This Gift and Shove It : How Viewing ADHD as a Gift Leads to a Life of Disappoint was first published, he requested that I write the first review. So when my editor asked that I engage Jeff in a series of conversations I was confident that Jeff would meet with me.

- Peter DeLaVerità, New York

Note to the Reader: Jeff² agreed to take part in this series of conversations on the condition that all material could be vetted by him and, if necessary, by the proper channels within the Directorate of Intelligence. I agreed to this since, even if some vital information was censored, nonetheless, it was important to make known any information on this enigmatic figure.

Jeff - Creator of JeffsADDMind, author of

Synopsis of Parts I, II & III

Our first meeting was in the streets of his local town. For security reasons I can only say that we met somewhere on the New England coast. “Tell them it is between New Haven, Connecticut and Providence, Rhode Island. That will keep them guessing for awhile,” Jeff said with a sort of nervous laugh.

In his trademark dark sunglasses, small hoop earring, well-worn jeans, Timberland boots and a black shirt, he seemed a bit uncomfortable in this coastal town of gentrified WASPS. “There isn’t a decent bagel in this town. That donut shop over there sells a ‘simulacrum’ of a bagel. They don’t bake ‘em. They get them faxed in. And a bialy or a pletzel? (He puts on his best Brooklyn accent) Fuggedaboutit! They neva hoid of it”.

Part I: Jeff described his atypical childhood. When he was eight years old he convinced his parents to purchase a chemistry set which he promptly used to create an acid burn on the kitchen counter. By the time he was eleven years old he was reading about Boolean logic, the intricacies of cascading NAND gates and The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. For fun (if you could call it that) he built beverage antennas for SWLing. Recently he has he been able to indulge one of  his boyhood fantasies. He acquired an amateur radio license.

Part II: Jeff was ensnared by the growing drug culture (“If smoking dope was good enough for Carl Sagan then it’s frakkin’ good enough for me”). When he reached legal age he dropped out of high school. But it didn’t take long for his restless intellect to kick in and take over. He earned a high school equivalency diploma, got into college, majored in philosophy, sociology and honors in the western tradition. This high school dropout graduated with numerous awards and was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa.  After a few years in academia he went into government work, starting in the Advanced Projects Office at the US Arms Control & Disarmament Agency where he rapidly mastered the nuances of the U.S./Soviet arms control kabuki dance. (“Hell…there’s a reason why they called it M.A.D. vs N.U.T.S.“)

Part III: Jeff became part of the CIA’s Delta Team – an elite group of thinkers and strategists.³ The team played a pivotal role in the development of the DES (Data Encryption Standard) but, in order to keep Delta Team out of the limelight, information on DES was disseminated through the U.S. Department of Commerce. The team also went on to develop some controversial “products” like the mind-altering drug code-named “CB“. Originally developed around 1982, its existence was confirmed as a result of a FOIA lawsuit in 2004. The declassified document does little except confirm its existence. We have not learned how it has been used. We do know, however, that Jeff volunteered to test the drug on himself. “I trembled when I first saw what we had created. Holding it in my hand…I raised it up to my lips and tasted it. It was so damned potent that I felt I was hit with a thunderbolt and, gotta tell ya, in a sense I was because from that point on my entire life changed.” He refused to say how Delta Team had used this drug. (It’s assumed it was used during interrogations.) When asked if he had any regrets having helped to develop it,  he replied, “None at all. If I could I would be taking it every day. There is nothing like it in the world. Period.”

Part Four of our “Conversation with Jeff.”

Q: Jeff, since you told me not to bring a photographer to the interview, do you mind if I describe the surroundings?

A: Go for it.

Jeff ‘s desk, as he likes to point out, is the externalization of his internal ADHD chaos. Every horizontal surface is covered with stacks of paper – notes; coffee-stained printouts; unopened mail. Every vertical surface (there is a hutch on top of his desk) has a note taped to it with hand-scrawled reminders of current projects, a running balance of his checking account (he said he updates it daily because he has often overspent on his account with disastrous results) and automobile maintenance reminders (“Change the oil at 57K miles”). Perched atop these stacks and off to his right side is his BlackBerry which he glances at every minute or two.

Jeff has already been pacing for several minutes. During our first interview when I asked Jeff why he paces when he talks he said, “Pacing keeps my body occupied so my mind can think without interruption.”

Q: Jeff, what was the inspiration for the book Take This Gift and Shove It?

A: About twelve years ago my life was in a state of total collapse. I went into business in 1998 with a partner that I realized years later was also ADHD. Let me tell you…that was an interesting experience. Anyway, by 2004 I already lived through two economic collapses that killed my cash flow and devastated my home life. But there was something I heard, I don’t remember where, but something made me thing ADHD. I went to the local Barnes & Noble and got a copy of Driven to Distraction. Reading that book was like reading an autobiography. That doesn’t quite capture it. It’s more like something out of a science fiction movie, like Minority Report. Not only does it perfectly describe what happened to you but it perfectly describes what WILL happen to you and it’s hasn’t even happened yet!

After sharing this news with everyone, I did some online searching and found descriptions of ADHD as being a sort of gift. I was already a bit egotistical and I knew that I was smarter than the average bear I fell for this gift stuff big time. Why didn’t I remember to pay the electric bill? It’s because with my gift I’m [a] genius in other things but not boring sh*t like that. So I’d repeat this ADHD-is-a-gift mantra and someone would say, “Yeah? So how come you can’t finish a project?”  After a while, when this frakkin‘ gift didn’t seem to have any benefits, I shut my mouth about it and started to question the mythology.

Q: I noticed that recently you had a lengthy discussion on your blog about the “ADHD is a gift” concept. Some people think the discussion is useless, that it’s a false dichotomy.

A: You’re kinda right. A number of ADHDers have moved beyond this discussion and almost see it as being not worth arguing about. But there’s always someone out there who realized that they [have] ADHD or their kids have ADHD and if they google around a bit, they’ll find this ADHD-is-a-gift crap. You’ve got that guy up in Canada -  Handelman – who talks about it and that DaVinci guy Garret LoPorto. LoPorto is either a putz because he believes his bullsh*t or he realized how dumb people really are. Did you ever see his personality test on his website? (Jeff puts on a deep, announcer’s voice)

- Do you consider yourself a creative problem solver?

- Do you like to follow established ways of doing things?

- When you are interested in a project, do you need less sleep?

(Jeff reverts to his regular voice) So you google around, you find out you’ve got a gift, and then you hit this personality test crap and what are you going to say to yourself? That you’re NOT creative? That you like to follow rules? If you already bought the ADHD-is-a-gift nonsense then you’ll buy this DaVinci crap and since you are so frakkin’ gifted you know that $19.95 is [a] bargain. Bingo! P.T. Barnum has found another sucker.

Q: But isn’t there some value to seeing ADHD as a gift? And maybe everyone can’t be a DaVinci…but maybe… (Jeff interrupts. Now he’s clearly agitated.)

A:  Yeah…sure…right…can I sell you a bridge too? Maybe anorexia is a gift. It sure helps you to control your weight.

2004 FOIA Lawsuit Exposing the Existence of the Delta Team

These guys don’t make it REALLY CLEAR that they are using metaphors. It’s like my favorite joke about the vacuum cleaner salesman who says, “This vacuum really sucks!” Does that mean it does the job or does it mean that it DOESN’T do the job? You can interpret it any way you want and the sales guy won’t persuade you one way or the other. That’s what these guys are doing. They throw the word “gift” out there in the ether, they let you interpret [it] any way you want and then they sell you stuff.

I’m sorry for shifting the topic (Jeff leans forwards and whispers, “You expected me to stay on topic? Did you forget that I’m ADHD?”) but it was when I looked at these things that I realized how dumb people can really be. (Jeff is becoming visibly angry.) What the hell is wrong with people? Why do they use that word “gift”? Maybe I’m a schmuck so there’s something I’m not seeing. Maybe my dictionary is out of date but it doesn’t say a gift is a bad thing. Gifts are happy things. ADHD is a “challenge” but a gift? Come on…grow up. I know this debate is old and tired but it’s important because words are important. We keep forgetting Orwell’s doublethink: War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength, and now “A Disorder Is A Gift.” Sounds stupid when we put it this way but people insist on saying this. It’s really the implication of this gift stuff so when I see that word “gift” coupled with the word ADHD I reach for my intellectual gun…and no…I’m not a Nazi but I get so angry about the way people use words that maybe I seem like one. But I really feel like Morpheus. “Free your mind, Neo” but Neo doesn’t want to. Everyone wants to take the blue pill.

Obama announces new cybersecurity protocols for Defense, Treasury and State Department.

(Jeff stops pacing. Takes a deep breath and turns to me.)

OK…let’s drop this subject. Even I’m getting tired of this song.

Q: Agreed. I want to return to a point you made in a previous conversation. You said you went through some major changes. Can you tell me more about it?

A: Sometimes I think living with ADHD is like driving a car. (Jeff sits in a larger recliner. With a grin on his face and his elbow out like he’s sitting in the driver’s seat, he looks like the happiest man alive.) You’re cruising along, windows open, Black Sabbath blasting, one finger on the steering wheel. Life is f**kin great! But you blink for just a second then something grabs the wheel. The car swerves and sideswipes a tree. The music goes nuts. It’s a white knuckle ride and all you can do is hang on. But after you’ve gone through this enough you learn not to panic as much. You know this will pass and just maybe you learn how to get back control a lot faster so the ride doesn’t last for weeks but maybe only a day or an afternoon. That’s one of the changes I’ve gone through. My life is little less like a white knuckle ride. I’m doing more of the driving. Not all of the driving…but most of it.

I also learned that I’m not really crazy. ADHDers think they are crazy because they zig-zag through life like a fly. There they are. No, there are. No, f**k, moved again. And if you have any brains and you act like this, you can’t separate “brains” from “crazy.” In your head they’re like the same thing. But there was a professor that said something that was like a kick in the head. We were talking about e e cummings’ Anyone lived in a pretty how town (with up so floating many bells down). The last part goes:

Women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

Of course, he asked, “What does this mean?” I raised my hand and I said, “I thought this was about sex but then I thought, naaah, I must be crazy.” And he said, “Who told you you were crazy?” My eyeballs popped! What the F**K! I was stunned!  Like a movie I’m reviewing my whole damned life! Since I was a kid I thought I was crazy. I was screwing around with soldering irons and computer chips BEFORE anyone knew what a computer was!! My friends were outside playing football and I’m stringing wire around my backyard for an antenna. I would cut out of school but carry around a book about vacuum tubes and I’d read it like it f**kin Talmudic scholar. What kid does this sort of sh*t? And it took twenty-five years to find someone to tell me “You’re not crazy…you’re just smart.” What that professor said, well, the guy is dead but he lives in my soul because when I’m thinking, “here I am being crazy again,” I can hear him say: Who told you you were crazy? So my point is, don’t EVER underestimate the power of words. THAT’S why I fight with people all the time over words because a god damned sentence, a god damned phrase, a single word can change your whole life.

Q: That certainly explains some of the things you’ve written. Last question and then we’ll wrap this up. What do you see as the future of ADHD treatment?

A: Right now our understanding of the brain is about 25 years behind our understanding of all of the other body parts. For too long we’ve treated it as a black box and, in many ways, we still do it. Maybe this is Skinner’s legacy. Anyway, there’s fascinating research going on that looks at the molecular level and we’re getting much closer to being able to accurately manipulate things at that level. Parker put together a bunch of videos of what we understand at the tiniest levels. But there’s something else going that’s like a new way of thinking.

Declassified Document

In Foucault’s The Order of Things he talks about the change in thinking from the more medieval mode of thought to our more modern mode of thought. Objects in the world had spirits and magical things can happen – like turning lead into gold – but, of course, you had to know how to work with the spirits and so forth to get it to do what you wanted it to do. But when our thinking shifted we stopped seeing the world as spirits, we shifted from nature-in-balance or nature-as-a-balance-of-forces to nature-as-billiard-balls, a kind of Hobbesian world or even stranger, Leibniz’s Monads, where you have objects – individuals, molecules, germs – interacting like billiard balls bouncing off from each other, where the things that would bind things together – in the medieval mind -⁴ are gone and now we have only discrete objects. That’s our modern way of thinking. We made up a classification system that seemed to fit better with the world. But classification systems can be problems and we’re hitting the wall with some of them. Even as basic as male and female are really problem categories. We don’t know what to do with an effeminate guy, or someone is born with — holy sh*t — two different sets of genitals. Now THAT gets the frakkin’ religious people nuts. God is f**king with the natural order and messing with your classification. This reminds me of Borges which Foucault starts off with. In this Chinese encyclopedia there is a classification of animals. The first time I read it it didn’t make much sense but when I began to think about it it’s like, hey, we really do make this sh*t up. In this encyclopedia there’s a definition of “animals” and there are different senses of what is an animal. You have animals that belong to the Emperor, animals painted with a fine camel brush, animals that are dead and animals that look like little flies from a distance. How we break things up, how we divide the world, is arbitrary. What I think is happening is our classification system is changing. We went from we’re-all-spiritually-connected to we’re-all-individuals to we’re-all-connected-but-in-very-complex-ways.

So we’re going back to interconnectedness. But we’re NOT going back to the interconnected way of thinking that’s spiritual. I’m sure that the rise in religion and religious thought is a psychological rebellion against the growth of spiritually-denuded science. But I think we’re going back to a connected way of thinking based on real science and real understanding of how things interact, not some junk from f**kin’ DaVinci LoPorto. We’re thinking more in terms of ecology. When I graduated college and got my little award from the philosophy department at Q.C., I got to give a speech on any topic I wanted. I talked about how the Cartesian way of thinking separates us from the ecology we live in. Tocqueville touches on this when he sees Americans as natural born Cartesians. We see ourselves only as individuals and we completely forget that we are individuals *IN* a complex system of individuals and physicality and the world. Ok…sorry for the tangent but it was an important one because now you have a better idea where we came from and where we are going.

Parker has a link to stuff from Kellerman that illustrates this understanding of interconnectedness within the body. He talks about neuro-endocrine-immunology and how these things interact and, from the outside, all we see are conditions like insomnia but inside the person there is [a] web of systems that influence each other. I think what will happen is that, maybe in ten years we’ll understand how the different systems within us really interoperate and create the problems we have, like ADHD. And with this ecological view combined with a neuronal-molecular view we’ll have therapies – sort of drug cocktails with diet and supplements and maybe even little nano-machines – that make things right again, that makes everything work like a well-oiled machine. The biggest problem is gonna be, not when will we be able to deal with these kinds of problems in this more ecological way but whether we’ll be able to even afford it, so don’t hold your breath on that one. You can fuggedaboutit now.

[END OF PART FOUR]

1. This name is only used by “insiders.” Most everyone else refers to them as the Delta Force.
2. He still refuses to reveal his last name though this information has become known to a small cadre of confidants.
3. Some have labeled it a group of psychotic radicals. The Delta Team has had a long and sordid history, beginning with the removal of Mosaddeq in Iran to heroin smuggling during the Vietnam War to providing intelligence – using extraordinary rendition and, perhaps, with the admixture of some drugs – during our most recent conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq.
4. Jeff asked that I include these links as examples of that earlier way of thinking: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Numerology, Astrology, Alchemy. – Peter DeLaVerità

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1. Cure ADHD with Laughter: That’s not really what this particular website article was promoting as a cure for ADHD. However, when the cure is composed of three simple things – stop drinking milk; learn to meditate; get a good night’s sleep – I had assumed laughter must be the real cure that is being promoted. After all, I read this article and laughed for fifteen minutes and for that brief time I did not feel like I had ADHD. I’m hoping this researcher can find a cure that lasts longer than fifteen minutes.

2. 3Steps to Conquering ADD-ADHD: This website is really part of a constellation of websites¹ all meant to point you in the same direction, namely, in the direction of online marketing genius Jon Bennett. I had examined his “cure” in an earlier post and was a bit surprised when I stumbled across this particular website.² This website (marketing campaign, really) plays on the “I have a secret to share with you” sales strategy. My recommendation is caveat emptor.

3. Cure ADHD with Sleep: I will quote from the website and allow the self-parody to take its effect. This website notes that:

Children who suffer from conditions such as autism, ADD and ADHD, have experienced some sort of loss, and or, shock, which causes sufficient mental anguish to prevent their minds from relaxing to experience regular R.E.M. sleep…. The only way to counteract this effect is to slow the mind of an ADHD child down during sleep so that the R.E.M. healing stage of sleep eventuates and encourage them to improve self-confidence by helping them to develop their individual talents to stimulate their excitement for life.³

There’s more!

Many medical studies have proven, motivating children to develop self-confidence, giving them close companionship “and improving their R.E.M. sleep” in the early stages of autism, asthma, ADD and ADHD can overcome these disorders completely. Most medical doctors…are dispensing drugs and telling parents, these disorders are incurable thus destroying any incentive to try to overcome it. [Emphasis added]

A good night’s sleep and close companionship⁴ is the cure for, not only ADHD but autism, asthma and probably our trade deficit too.

4. A Natural Cure for ADHD:⁵ At this website Dr. Saunders announces in BIG BOLD LETTERS that he has the miracle cure. The website – and the good doctor – will tell you:

“How You Can Banish Hyperactivity, Stop Inattention And End The ADHD Nightmare For Good. . . Safely, Naturally And Without The Use Of Harmful ADHD Drugs…”

Dr. Saunders goes on to note that the pharmaceutical companies have falsely claimed that:

ADHD Is A Disease And You Can Only Cure It With Drugs

I’m not familiar with any pharmaceutical website that claims that ADHD is a disease. At the website for Strattera they only refer to ADHD as a disorder (this is on their home page). At the website for Concerta they say that “ADHD is thought to be a biological condition that affects certain types of brain functioning.” They don’t mention the word “disease.” If anyone is aware of a pharmaceutical website that claims ADHD is a disease, please post a link in the Comments section of this post.

There is also a reference to the Multimodal Study. The website notes:

On November 12, 2007, a team of American scientists conducting the Multimodal Treatment Study of Children With ADHD released findings that showed that while pharmaceutical drugs such as Ritalan and Concerta can work well in the short term, over a 3 year period they brought about no demonstrable improvement in a child’s behavior. [Emphasis is in the original]

This is an interesting claim and there is nearly a modicum of truth. However, the complete truth is a bit more complex. The initial results, as summarized in a PBS special (the following is a quote from the study itself), notes that:

For ADHD symptoms, our carefully crafted medication management program was superior to behavioral treatment and to routine community care that included medication. Our combined treatment [medical and behavioral interventions] did not yield significantly greater benefits than medication management for core ADHD symptoms, but may have provided modest advantages for non-ADHD symptom and positive functioning outcomes.

The study further notes that

…findings indicate that children with other accompanying problems, such as co-occurring anxiety or high levels of family stressors, may do best with approaches that combine both treatment components (i.e., medication management and behavioral therapy). [This quote is from the NIMH findings and is quoted on the PBS website.]

The real question posed by Dr. Saunders has to do with the results of a followup study conducted in 2007. He notes that after three years of medication there is “no demonstrable improvement in a child’s behavior.” Once again, the picture is much more complex. The NIMH press release notes that:

Initial advantages of medication management alone or in combination with behavioral treatment over purely behavioral or routine community care waned in the years after 14 months of controlled treatment ended.

This clearly states that the advantages conferred by the medication did not have a long lasting effect which is what Dr. Saunders claims. That’s one point for the doctor. There is, of course, an “however.”

However, Peter Jensen, M.D., Columbia University, and colleagues emphasized that “it would be incorrect to conclude from these results that treatment makes no difference or is not worth pursuing.”

What Dr. Saunders does not mention is that “[A]fter the 14 months of assigned treatments ended, families were free to choose from treatments available in their communities.” In other words, after the 14 month study, families could do as they please. Interestingly it was found that those who were in the behavioral treatment group began to take medication while those in the medication treatment group were likely to stop taking the medication. Therefore, there is no basis for the claim that after three years there is no improvement in a child’s behavior since the group that took the medication for 14 months is NOT the same group that is currently taking medication. So now we take away Dr. Saunders one point and he is now down to zero.⁶

Let’s reexamine the scorecard.

It is up to you if you still want to spend $39.97 for his miracle cure.

Conclusion:

For the right amount of money there is someone who is willing to sell you a cure for anything that ails you. Whether the cure works is quite another story. However, from a financial standpoint, the cure works very well for the person who is selling it.

Here are some other cures you might be interested in.

1. How to reshape your unsightly proboscis

2. How women can regain those shapely curves

1. For example: http://3stepsadd.com/7adhdtruths.html; http://sites.google.com/site/adhd3steps/adhd; http://www-add.net/3steps.php
2. A WhoIs search verified that the website is owned by J Bennett Management.
3. Jeff’s Snarky Comment: I STILL regret the loss of my Lionel trains but I’m not sure if that particular loss is the cause of my ADHD.
4. Jeff’s Snarky Comment: I wonder what is meant by “close companionship”? I assume it is not pedophilia.
5. Jeff’s Snarky Comment: I have yet to find a website that claims to provide UNnatural cures.
6. You  can find an interesting overview of the 2007 and 2009 results here.

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On October 6, 2009, I received an official request to remove the screen shots from this particular blog post. In response, on October 7, 2009, I removed or hid all of the copyrighted material that appeared in the images below. I assure you that no pixels were harmed during this process.

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It seems Dr. Edward Hallowell and Dr. Kenny Handelman have reduced themselves to the level of vacuum cleaner salesmen. (“But madam, I swear this vacuum cleaner sucks.”) Even worse, they inadvertently parrot what the “A.D.D. Deniers” say, namely that with a sufficient amount of effort and willpower and vim and vigor and vitamins and Yankee ingenuity, well, by golly, you can defeat the A.D.D. ogre once and for all. If you follow their line of manure, soon you’ll be saying to your child, “Look little Johnny. Look at what’s in the box from Aunt Pandora. It’s A.D.D. You’re gonna be an entrepreneur!”

So, what’s the miracle cure they are hawking?

(Remember, it’s a $47 dollar value!!)

The miracle cure is a “brand new 5 step strategy (this is really powerful!) to unlock you (or your child’s) unique ADD gifts!” Unfortunately, we are never told that this new strategy supersedes the previous 13 step strategy which, in turn, supplanted the 27 step strategy that, in turn, supplanted the “Aw f**k it!” strategy.

But wait! There’s more! You’ll learn EVEN MORE strategies from some of the most famous people you never heard of: Garret LoPorto, Kathy Kolbe, Dr. Peter Jensen of the famous “Dr. Peter Jensen Institute of Higher Learning, A.D.D. and Sharp Looking Suits” and many more.

But wait! If you order now…you’ll get the Veg-A-Matic. It slices, dices and juliennes those vegetables. You can make vegetable souffle, vegetable juice, vegetable fries.

And if you are among the first 20 callers you’ll get transcripts of all these experts providing their expert talk, MP3 files in case you can’t read the excerpts, expert advice from another expert you never heard of, and more! And they’ll throw in a few more books and files that are clogging up their damned garage (can’t get the car in unless they get rid of those books).

Don’t touch that mouse! Look!

It is all backed by a Genuine 100% Money-Back Guarantee!

That’s right! If you find that after swallowing all of this malarky you still haven’t eradicated the A.D.D., well, keep the junk, and they’ll return your money away.

So…is this a great country, or wa?

Source: http://www.unwrappingthegiftofadd.com

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Depressing answer, no? But at least you know you are facing a life-long enemy. So learn to live with it. Learn to control it. Learn to carve out a (somewhat) sane life.

Carpe Diem

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I recently visited the ADD Forums¹ and noticed the Google ad below (circled in red). The ad caught my attention ESPECIALLY since it claims to CURE ADD/ADHD. So I took the red pill and clicked on the ad.

The Google ad took me to a “confessional” page. (Link is here.) I read through the page. At the bottom of the page was a link to 3 Steps to Conquering ADD-ADHD.

At the website 3 Steps to Conquering ADD-ADHD the word “cure” almost completely disappeared (except in one case which I will examine at the end of this post). Remember, the first ad used the word “cured.”  Now I only see words like “conquer,” “eliminate” (but only in the context of eliminating symptoms). So, the buildup to my arrival at this site began with an advertisement that claimed it had a cure. That led me to a pseudo-confessional which seemed real (it has a number of typographical and grammatical errors…like a “real” person wrote it) but which, on closer examination, NEVER used the word “cure.” Finally it brought me to 3 Steps to Conquering ADD-ADHD where, again, the word “cure” is almost as scarce as hen’s teeth.

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There was something that really bothered me about the “3 Steps” website. It was misleading. On my journey to the site (the Google Ad, then to the confessional page, then to the site itself) I felt that I was getting closer and closer to the truth. In actuality, I was being deceived by degrees. How this was done is worthy of examination since the same deceptive marketing techniques are used over and over again, not only on the Internet but in print, television and radio.² It is a set of techniques where you, the mark, are led to believe what the confidence man wants you to believe. The con man makes no overt claims but simply sets up various associations. You, however, fill in the blanks thereby taking you closer to the real purpose which is to get you to willingly hand over some of your money.

Truth by Juxtaposition

One technique used to make a lie seem like the truth is to place it next to familiar and trusted symbols. All three institutions are well-known and well-respected. However, there is NOTHING on the 3steps website that indicates that any of these institutions have claimed to be able to eliminate ADD/ADHD other than the self-proclaimed statement “They ALL agree….”. The website offers no relevant links. It allows you, the website visitor, to make the implied connection.

Here is another example of Truth by Juxtaposition. It is easy to assume that these magazines must have endorsed the product. After all, their images are right next to the product that is being sold. Guess what. Again no links. You are free to make the association between the magazines and the product. From a moral perspective you may feel hoodwinked. From a legal perspective, no claim is being made that the products are endorsed, or even reviewed, by the magazines.

Truth by Unsubstantiated Claim

Here we see that the miracle book they are selling has been named the number one self-help book for A.D.D. for two years in a row. Well, that’s fantastic! Just one question, “WHO proclaimed it number one?” Seems they never tell us.

Truth by Imitation

Check out the logo for this research institute. Wow! Impressive! They must have serious money backing up their research. It looks like a legitimate institute. Even the name is impressive. I felt I should find out more about it. However a Google search was fruitless. This institute does not exist.

Here’s another example of Truth by Imitation. Sure looks like an Amazon review, doesn’t it? Except it is not. No link back to Amazon. No link to the other 300+ reviews.

Truth By Sharing A Secret

Everyone loves a secret and sure enough, the book contains lots of secrets. Those who are are sympathetic to conspiracies will fall for this one because they know that there are lots of things the government/drug manufacturers, etc., do not want you to know. If it is a secret…it must be true.

Conclusion

Is this the long-awaited miracle cure? Not likely. A cure gets rid of something…permanently. You get the measles. You take the cure. After some time the measles goes away. It’s gone. Will the same happen with ADD? In other words, buy the book, follow the technique, cure ADD? Well…no. Not really. In fact, everything is worded very carefully. The site talks about eliminating symptoms. It does not explicitly talk about curing ADD though that may be the logical implication. However, the website claims over and over that the symptoms can be controlled. It does not say ADD/ADHD can be cured. But there is one exception. Note the second sentence in the screen shot below. Here it says you can “Eliminate Your ADD-ADHD.” That seems to imply a cure.

Might the techniques described in the book help you to control ADD/ADHD? It is very possible. However,  controlling is not the same as eliminating. Therefore this book is no better than many of the other books on the market that purportedly control ADD/ADHD. There’s no compelling reason to purchase this book unless, of course, you’ve been duped.

1. IMPORTANT NOTE: The ADD Forums is only serving the Google Ads and, therefore, is not responsible for the particular ads that appear on its site.
2. Of course, implementing these techniques requires they be adapted to the particular needs of the medium used.

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1. Get A Job: Toss out the window your delusions of being a multi-millionaire (with inflation, billionaire) within ten years. Not likely to happen. More likely you will find yourself engaged in self-created busy work that gets you nowhere. I shifted my full-time home-based business to a part-time venture. I got a full-time job that requires that I be on a train each morning at 7:46am. My desk and computer screen is visible to everyone in the office: there are no private offices. And there is no such thing as a private phone call. Every email that is sent and received is logged and stored and can be viewed by ANYONE else in the office. I thought this would drive me insane. You know what? I love it! I absorb the electricity from all of the other people around me who are engaged in business deals. I pick up their vibes and have become a selling machine.

2. Get Regular Exercise: For months I’ve been jogging 1 1/2 miles every other day. That 20 minute jog works up a great sweat and clears out my head. (See: Shoot Me Now)

3. Be On The Lookout For A.D.D.ness: Self-awareness is key. For example, I did not take any old job. I got a job doing sales. The job requires that I be in the office…sometimes. It requires that I be outside looking for prospects. Let me emphasize that again. The job requires that I be OUTSIDE! In the cold air! In the breeze! In the sunshine! In the rain! If that’s not A.D.D. heaven…I don’t know what is. And whenever my A.D.D.ness starts to act up, I just redirect it. I walk around the office and have a five minute chat with someone (business related but a chat nonetheless). I do a two minute walk around the office to “move the body.” I make a call to a prospect. I set up a quick lunch appointment. Or I open up a document I’ve been working on, put on some headphones, listen to music and type a new proposal for a new sale.

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Bugs Bunny: Would you like to shoot me now or wait ’til you get home?
Daffy Duck: Shoot him now! Shoot him now!
Bugs Bunny: You keep outta this! He doesn’t have to shoot you now!
Daffy Duck: He does SO have to shoot me now!
[to Elmer]
Daffy Duck: I demand that you shoot me now!
[Elmer raises his gun. As Daffy sticks his tongue out at Bugs, he is shot]
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Source: Bugs Bunny & Daffy Duck…of course!

Face the facts. With current “technology” there is no cure for A.D.D.¹ Medications alter whatever chemical states are in your brain, behavior modification makes aspects of it more tolerable and a healthy dose of humor makes it almost bearable. But there are those moments when all you want to do is scream “Shoot me now.” And no…this is not a death wish and no, it is not suicidal depression. It is a realist’s view of life with A.D.D. It will never go away, it will always be a part of who you are and what you do.

However, there might be mini-cures for A.D.D. Like those cold remedies that provide temporary relief, I’ve found two mini-cures for A.D.D. that provide temporary relief from the symptoms of A.D.D. Both are OTC remedies and readily available. And you don’t need a prescription. And if you order now we’ll throw in the Julienne Slicer…just look at these beautiful french fries. But wait, if you call within the next hour……

Mini-Cure #1: Jogging

After a ten-plus year hiatus from jogging, almost five weeks ago I started doing it again. I find that it makes the day that much more tolerable…especially since my “normal” work day can run into 16 hour marathons (pun sort of intended). It clears my head and makes it possible to focus.

Now an expanding body of research shows that exercise can improve the performance of the brain by boosting memory and cognitive processing speed. Exercise can, in fact, create a stronger, faster brain.
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Source: Lobes of Steel

Mini-Cure #2: Music

I’ve always found music to be extraordinarily helpful in getting through tasks. My “theory” is that music satisfies the A.D.D. craving of the brain and makes it possible for you to concentrate on the task at hand. So you are giving in to your A.D.D.ness without it interfering with your work.

Conclusion

There is no cure for A.D.D. But like cold remedies, there are cures that can temporarily relieve the symptoms. Your mission, Mr. Phelps, is to find your mini-cure.

[Updated on September 2, 2007]

The jogging helps reduce the “scrambled eggs for brains” feeling. And while naps accomplish the same thing, the nap clears the slate while the the jogging both clears the slate and helps increase the overall energy level.

1. Maybe in the future there will be some nanotechnology that will create new neural connections between the frontal lobe and the brain hemispheres or, perhaps, the stem cell-based technology will do the trick but, at this point in time, there is no cure.

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