Jan 23rd, 2008 | Adult A.D.D. | 1 Comment
I've been reading Jennifer Koretsky's newsletters for several years. They are written in perfect A.D.D. style - short and to the point - and they seem to arrive in my inbox just when I need them most.
So go already. Stop reading this post and take a look at the collection. Read through them. You never know. You might find the inspiration you need to get over your current hurdle. And if you find you like the newsletters, take a look at this book review and then purchase her book.
See: Experiencing ADDvantages: Best of Experiencing ADDvantages 2007
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Dec 21st, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | 2 Comments
On the negative side, when someone is diagnosed with A.D.H.D., it is because "things have been going significantly wrong" so that referring to it as a gift "might [be] meet with skepticism."
On the positive side: "[T]here are lots of skills, abilities and characteristics that routinely come with ADHD, and which most people find appealing…."
Source: The Gifts of ADD
"I am among those who wouldn't trade my ADD for anything. I do think that the positives outweigh the negatives–at least for me."
Source: ADD: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
"…as both a[n] ADHD professional and a person with ADHD myself I am really getting tired of hearing about how great ADHD is because for most of us it's not. For most of us who have struggled because of ADHD saying ADHD is great is down right insulting!"
Source: Is ADHD Great??
"Many forms of cancer are curable and many people live long, productive lives even after their fight with cancer. There are several forms of A.D.D. and many of these people live long, unproductive lives. And A.D.D. is not curable. Given the choice, which gift would you choose."
Source: Me
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Perhaps A.D.D. is a gift when you are ten years old and your imagination soars. Perhaps A.D.D. is a gift when you are twenty years old and you need to write three papers for three different college classes and so you muster your hyperfocus and finish them on time. Perhaps A.D.D. is a gift when you are in your chosen profession and find that sitting in your quiet, private office is absolutely maddening. Perhaps A.D.D. is a gift when you are expected to sit at your desk for fifty hours each week and your body is screaming at you to get up and move, or get up and talk to another human being, or get up and do some other activity that is NOT the one you are currently doing. Perhaps A.D.D. is a gift when you are expected to defer gratification (though instant gratification is one of the hallmarks of the A.D.D. personality) and you fail miserably at doing so. Perhaps A.D.D. is a gift when it seems the entire world has passed you by and you are STILL trying to figure out, for the fourth time in your life, what you want to be when you grow up.
I believe A.D.D. is a gift because to see it for what it truly is - the incurable curse - is too depressing. I will give back this gift in a heart beat. I will trade this gift for a bit less intelligence. I will trade this gift for a bit more sleep. I will trade this gift for a bit more stability in my life.
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I posted the following poem in September 2007 under the title "Not A.D.D."
I don’t want to be me.
I am sick and tired of being me,
because being me means being A.D.D.
I don’t want everything I do to be an issue.
I am sick and tired of dealing with issues.
I am sick and tired of being A.D.D.
I don’t want to pre-reflect and post-reflect and self-reflect.
I just want to be.
I don’t want to be A.D.D.
I’ll be an idiot who thinks the world is great.
I’ll be a smiling fool who knows nothing of fate.
I’ll be anything as along as I am not A.D.D.
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Dec 18th, 2007 | Lifestyle, Adult A.D.D. | No Comments
According to a recent study:
- Three times more likely to be currently unemployed
- Two times more likely to have problems keeping friends
- Forty-seven percent more likely to have trouble saving money to pay bills
- Four times more likely to have contracted a sexually transmitted disease
Source: New Information Published About Adults With Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Supports Previous Research Regarding Potentially Significant Impacts on Social, Financial and Personal Aspects of Life
Oct 29th, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | 1 Comment
- I sometimes wonder if being diagnosed with A.D.D. allows me to rationalize inexcusable behaviors.
- I sometimes wonder if focusing on my A.D.D. makes me more A.D.D.
- I sometimes wonder if I would be better off not knowing that I was A.D.D. (Ignorance is bliss?)
- I sometimes wonder if my A.D.D. imagination makes me a master of self-delusion so that each day I strive for a better tomorrow that never arrives.
Sep 11th, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | 1 Comment
These definitions are not in DSM-IV but perhaps they will make it into DSM-V.
Hyperdigression: An uncontrollable proclivity to shift attention to objects or subjects that are either tangentially related or completed unrelated to the current object or subject of attention. This action often induces another round of hyperdigression ad infinitum.
Jingling: the tendency to associate one’s activities with television or radio commercial jingles and to sing all or part of that jingle. In the case of television commercials, the person may act out all or part of it during the jingling episode.
EXAMPLE: A person suffering from hyperdigression will be engaged in a conversation about some food item, say, a banana. Thinking about that banana triggers spontaneous jingling. The hyperdigressor stands up, places hands on hips, sways like Carmen Miranda and starts to sing, in a slightly Hispanic accent, “I’m a Chiquita banana and I’ve come to say….” This, in turn, triggers the memory of an old television show which, in turn, triggers the memory of a long gone, but beloved, toy which, in turn triggers a toy-related episode of jingling.
Sep 8th, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | No Comments
Stop reading right now and take a look at your desktop. How many things are you doing right now in addition to reading this column? Me, I’ve got a terminal session open to a chat room, I’m listening to music, I’ve got Safari open with three tabs open where I’m watching Blogshares, tinkering with a web site, and looking at weekend movie returns. Not done yet. I’ve got iChat open, ESPN.COM is downloading sports new trailers in the background, and I’ve got two notepads open where I’m capturing random thoughts for later integration into various to do lists. Oh yeah, I’m writing this column, as well. Folks, this isn’t multi-tasking. This is advanced case of Nerd Attention Deficiency Disorder. I am unable to function at my desktop unless I’ve got, at least, five things going on at the same time. If your count came close, you’re probably afflicted, as well. Most excellent.
The full post can be found at Rands in Repose.
h/t to Photo Matt
Aug 22nd, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | No Comments
A.D.D. is a f**king curse. Each day can be a struggle and when you think you are making forward movement…you find that you did not. And having lived with it for 30 or more years and not knowing you had it, THEN it is definitely a curse. By then it has become an integral part of your daily habits and requires a gargantuan effort to change it. Though you never actually change it. You “contain it and control it” in the same way you contain and control a running stream of water by putting up walls of mud (but you are always convinced you are using rocks…not mud). You barely stay ahead of the water and for a while you actually *do* contain and control it. And then, quite unexpectedly, the wall breaks. And it truly is unexpected because you thought you were using rocks.
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There are days when I wonder what it might be like to have grown up with the knowledge that I had A.D.D. and to have grown up with the skill set to control it.
[Originally posted on June 2, 2007 with the title “The Curse.” Edited on August 22, 2007]
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Aug 16th, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | No Comments
A.D.D.ers tend to oscillate between two different states: “being-as-doing” and “self-conscious-stumbling.” In the being-as-doing state, they are living within every moment, making decisions “within” the moment, doing things “within” that moment and, one might say, “existing as normal people do.” It is (or so I imagine) existence with a normal level of self-consciousness which is in contrast to an A.D.D.er’s level of self-consciousness. An A.D.D.er’s self-consciousness is best described as “self-conscious-stumbling.” It is like trying to walk down a set of stairs and thinking about each movement. What should come as natural in that there should be no role of self-consciousness at all becomes something that is consciously done and, in the process, becomes something that causes one to stumble. The smooth flow is interrupted by the self-conscious thought process so that while the body is still in motion (in a sense, unthinking/un-selfconsciously reflective motion) the brain is trying to determine what the next step should be but because it is in self-conscious mode (a sort of hyper-self-reflectivity) the body - and gravity - which operate according to their own logic, has already moved to the next step. Either it quickly determines what that next step should be (and determine correctly) and thereby “survives” the forward momentum or it has not made that determination and you stumble.
While I have used physical movement as an illustration of self-conscious-stumbling, for the A.D.D.er it is much more than physical activity but all those other modes of existence - work, love, family - where the oscillation can become debilitating. Those first few jobs, those first few relationships, can begin with all the joie de vivre one expects in something that is new. It is being-as-doing and is joyful and unselfconscious. And then a certain doubt creeps in. It might begin as a question that someone asks (”Why did you do that?”) or a glance from someone you work with (or someone you are in love with). And in a moment you flip from being-as-doing to self-conscious-stumbling. You begin to question everything. You ask everyone - and yourself - about the meaning of the work you do or the meaning of the “love” relationship you thought you were in. You are now like the person who self-consciously walks down a stairway. You watch each move. Calculate each move. You self-consciously-stumble as you watch yourself try to crawl back to that state of being-as-doing. And you do make it back to the being-as-doing state but with something amiss. Your smooth “tapestry of being” has a small hole in it. A sliver of doubt has crept in and while you are again being-as-doing, there is an awareness that something has changed. You are in being-as-doing but with a self-conscious twist. Being-as-doing feels phony and inauthentic. The original joy that existed prior to self-consciousness is gone.
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Aug 4th, 2007 | Adult A.D.D. | 1 Comment
Before I started writing this post I made the mistake1 of googling “manic state.” The description of the highs and lows sound very much like A.D.D. highs and lows such as increased strength and energy accompanied by decreased sleep whereas the low is a sleep problem (too much or too little) and loss of self esteem. (See: http://www.cmhawrb.on.ca/bipolar.htm)2
Right now I am in the manic “high” state. My brain is going so fast that I may inadvertently do the same thing many times over with each task being a variation of the previous. I’m sometimes amazed at the speed with which I’m completing tasks. But I don’t really know how to stop…other than to go to sleep. I wish I could regulate this manic state - stop when needed, slow it down, turn it up to full speed. But then that’s the problem with A.D.D. - you can’t regulate these states.
The manic high is a great high. Something happened today that helped contribute to it…I paid two bills on time (well…just on the deadline date but that’s close enough). No small accomplishment for many A.D.D.ers who hate the tedium of such chores and are drowning in financial issues. But that feat - which I’ve done for two months now - has become it’s own “high,” its own sort of manic state that I want to repeat again and again.3 And if this occurs for three months, four months, ten months…will it slide into the category of “boring task?”
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1 - A mistake in the sense that I found out more than I really wanted to know. (Sometimes knowledge is dangerous.)
2 - It is easy to confuse ADD and Bipolar Disorder (”Manic Depression”). Note the following:
Differentiating between ADHD and bipolar disorder in childhood can be difficult. In its classic form, bipolar disorder is characterized by mood cycling between periods of intense highs and lows. But in children, bipolar disorder often seems to be a rather chronic mood dysregulation with a mixture of elation, depression, and irritability. Furthermore, there are some symptoms that can be present both in ADHD and bipolar disorder, such as a high level of energy and a reduced need for sleep.
Source: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/adhd.cfm
3 - Is this sliding into O.C.D.? Once again I am coming close to that artificial boundary between A.D.D. and O.C.D. Speaking of O.C.D., I assume other A.D.D.ers out there did not always find Adrian Monk to be all that funny…sometimes you felt his pain and just couldn’t laugh.
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