Brain Tumors Do Not Exist


I should probably not be stating this on a publicly accessible website but I feel I have little choice in the matter: I am a brain surgeon. Well, let me clarify that. My area of expertise is brain surgery. This does not mean that I have any experience in the field of brain surgery. However, using my first-hand experience at cutting things open and whatever facts I can discover (I found out that the brain has two hemispheres. Would you like me to show you?) I have declared myself an expert brain surgeon. Based on this experience and knowledge I conclude that brain tumors do not exist. In all my years as a brain surgeon I have never encountered a brain tumor. Please do not show me brain scan images. They are digital and, therefore, can easily be faked. I do believe that the whole concept of “brain tumor” has been concocted by unscrupulous surgeons who see it as a way to justify ten hours (or more!) of very expensive and, therefore very lucrative, surgical procedures. As an expert on all matters involving the brain I concur with Mr. Collier that A.D.D./A.D.H.D. does not exist. As Mr. Collier writes:

“I’m possibly the only person involved in the ‘ADHD debate’ that I know of who has no first-hand experience of the problem whatsoever. For me, the subject is entirely to do with ideas and beliefs and how they compare with my own experiences and whatever facts I’m able to discover.” Source:

Further, as noted in the blog Making A.D.H.D. Work For You which takes a critical view of Mr. Collier:

Mr. Collier feels that ADHD is a artificially made-up term…. He cites different studies, including those of the brain that do not correlate with a defined ADHD disorder. He feels that the pharmaceutical companies have exploited the term ADHD and turned it into a so-called cash cow for their own monetary gain and greed.

Source: ADHD – Are We Making This Up?

The conclusion is obvious. Mr. Collier has as much experience in the field of A.D.D./A.D.H.D. as I do in the field of brain surgery. Therefore his pronouncements carry as much weight as my pronouncements. I assume that he does research the way I do: I sit in my lounge chair and examine the world around me (hmmm…no brain tumors around here…but…uh oh…looks like the house needs to be painted again), I pick only the “facts” that support my conclusion (or I just make things up based on my experience) and then I pass final judgment. And I too see the ugly hand of greed which concocts phony ailments like brain tumors and A.D.D., turning them into cash-cows to be exploited. Those of you in the mass media who are looking for experts in the field of brain tumors or A.D.D./A.D.H.D. might want to contact us for our expert testimony. We can offer proof of the non-existence of brain tumors and the non-existence of A.D.D./A.D.H.D. However, you might have trouble contacting Mr. Collier since Mr. Collier does not actually exist…and I can prove it. According to his website contact page he lives in Australia. But based on my experience and extensive research into the “facts” [note 1] I have concluded that the world is flat. On a flat earth Australia can not exist. Yes, it’s “down under” but under what? The other side of a flat earth? Logic dictates that anything on the underside of a flat object would simply fall off (you can try this at home with an ordinary kitchen table). Therefore, Mr. Collier’s claim of living in Australia is either patently false (he lives somewhere else) or if he continues to claim he lives in Australia – a non-existent country – then Mr. Collier himself does not exist. Q.E.D.  [note 2]


I examined the cockeyed logic of the A.D.D. deniers in an earlier blog posting: The Logic of the Deniers.

  1. See: The Flat Earth Society
  2. Impeccable logic. I feel like Dr. Pangloss!
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  • ginapera


    Now this is FUNNY.

    I don’t know where you are, but if you’re in Silicon Valley, I’d like to buy you lunch.


  • angelica warren

    youre insane. i had an apple sized brain tumor.

    and doing perfectly fine now.

    you need to go back to grad school if you really beleve this…

  • Jeff


    I apologize if you were offended by the post. The post was meant to be tongue in cheek.
    This part of the website explains this further:


  • Scott Hutson

    ADD is in it’s most active state when are brains(W/or Without tumors) are subjected to green house paint. This is only a theory at this time, but I would advise waiting untill I can provide more evidence before painting your house green.

  • Scott Hutson

    There have been sightings of Mr.Collier buying large amounts of super glue. I can’t remember who told me that,because I’ve been too busy trying to clean the super glue off my kitchen table.

  • Jeff

    Uh Oh…some of my walls are sage green. Yikes! ;)

  • Scott Hutson

    Way to go Jeff, You just saved me allot of time on that research,and the “Tounge in cheek humour does not exist paper I’m working on”. Now I can go get this super glue off the inside of my cheek and see if neosporin will stop the pain on the tip of my tounge.

  • Angelica Warren

    You did not offend me so much as others have in the past. I must have taken it the wrong way, as I am probably the most sarcastic person one could meet. I just happened to be searching links between add and adhd and megaglioblastomas. I grew up with ADD/ADHD, and doctors found a very large tumor when I was 20 years old. Which was last year..

  • Jeff


    I think you’ve convinced me to add a “please don’t take this post seriously” warning. And I hope that everything has turned out well for you.

  • Brain Cancer facts

    Few of the brain cancers occur due to the transformation of one kind of cell from its normal type. No sooner does the transformation takes place, the abnormal growth and multiplication of the cells start.

    • Jeff

      I hope you realized that this whole post was meant to be satirical.

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