Ask the Rabbi: “Are Thin Mints and Ring Jells Reflections of the Platonic Form of Scrumptious Food? And Where Do Samoas Fit Into This Schema?”
Anyone who is familiar with Girl Scouts Thin Mints knows how easy it is to devour an entire box in one sitting. As we enter the Passover holidays we find that, amongst assimilated Jews, an entire box of Joyva’s Ring Jells can also be devoured in one sitting.1 Of the four questions that immediately come to mind concerning this phenomenon, the most obvious question is, “Why is a box of Ring Jells equivalent, in devourabilty, to a box of Thin Mints?” To answer this question I consulted with Rabbi Hiram “Harry” Kardashian, former chief rabbi of Tehran who is now in the United States.
Jeff: Rabbi K, what makes Ring Jells the equivalent of Thin Mints?
Rabbi K: Both of these foods are reflections of the perfect form, in the Platonic sense, of a pure, edible and scrumptious food. They both fulfill the commandment uttered by the Almighty that we should live long and prosper. In the Talmud it is written, “He so ever tastes the sweetness of life will find that he carries the sweetness forever.” Rabbi Schmulbender (the “wise” one…not to be confused with the “stupid” one) has interpreted this to mean the following:
Rabbi Schmulbender, ca.1883
Rabbi Schmulbender
Translation:
The word sweetness refers to the sweetness of life but, of course, to the sugar that we add to our foods. The word carries refers to the sweet taste that we carry with us. But this word, according to the great scholars, is a homophone. Therefore, this word, when understood within the context of the word sweetness, since both appear in the same sentence, is also a reference to dental caries. So the Almighty wants us to enjoy our food but is warning us about cavities. Therefore we should always brush and floss.
Jeff: Thank you, again, Rabbi K, for your time and, of course, for explaining yet another puzzle of our daily existence. So, till next time, a merry Passover and Easter to all and to all…a good night.
President Obama and the First Lady Enjoying Matzoh and Gefilte Fish
Image Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/28/us/politics/28seder.html
- It should be noted that while no genetic basis has yet been found to explain this particular phenomenon, there is a genetic basis for the ability of some people to consistently eat the whole goddamn bag of potato chips. There are, of course, other foods that are often consumed in a single sitting, such as Malomars (frozen or non-frozen); Marshmallow Peeps (Marshmallow Peeps have played an important role in helping to keep America competitive. See Peep Research Center); Oreos; Keebler’s Chocolate Chip Cookies; Baskin-Robbins Rocky Road Ice Cream and/or Pralines and Cream; Godiva Chocolates; Smarties; Gummi Sour Worms. Sour worms, by the way, may help to prevent car accidents. ↩
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