Comments on: Adult A.D.D. & Sex

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 20:44:54 +0000

I changed a setting in the anti-spam plugin. You should be able to leave comments without any problem. Let me know if it is still an issue.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 20:41:30 +0000

I tried but it kept telling me it was spam.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:14:09 +0000

But you *did* comment. Did you have a problem initially trying to leave a comment?

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:58:36 +0000

why do you talk about sex and then make it imposible to comment about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 19:20:53 +0000

This can change over time but it can be scary to go into the uncharted waters of emotion…especially if you have had it walled off and locked away for many years. It’s taken me way too many years to feel confident enough to do it.

By: txsl

txsl — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 17:04:08 +0000

This is sooooo true! In my last relationship I finally noticed that I was nearly completely unable to listen to my boyfriend’s point of view or his feelings, even though I was so obsessive about what I felt that I always had to tell him. He always told me he felt like “the woman” in the relationship, because he was emotional and wanted to talk about everything, and I would just get aggravated and aviod everything he wanted to talk about.

By: Scott Hutson

Scott Hutson — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:30:12 +0000

Bill,

I also am no expert on meds. But I take AdderallXR.20mg in the morning,and (Adderall.10mg afternoon,as needed for breakthrough fatigue). I also take a list of drugs for other medical probs. I check for drug interactions,every time I am prescribed any new meds. There are many websites on the subject.

I won’t suggest a particuler website, because there is some debate about Adderall being good or bad,,etc. I have had no problems with side effects, but I am not a good example. I think,if I were you, I would make sure my Dr.’s are aware of your concerns. Adderall is a drug,that may very serious side effects on some patients.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:29:51 +0000

Bill,

I’m so glad that my words have truly had a positive effect. Too often I write things and I wonder if anyone is listening/reading.

I’m no expert where medications are concerned. However, I wonder if there might be other drugs that you could take that would not have that effect on your sex life.

By: Bill

Bill — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:58:35 +0000

Jeff, First and foremost I want to thank you for your words of wisdom, for the first time in my life I feel I have someone in my corner supporting me. Thank you.
Just an update from Oct post. I paid my family doctor a visit and she prescribed Adderall and Prozac. First I started with 10mg adderall and then 30 days later she started me on 10mg prozac. At first the euphoric reaction was great, my anxiety disappeared and I finishing something seemed easier but it didn’t last very long. My doctor then increased my dosage another 10mg each and the effects would last longer through the day. My anxiety went away but my obsession over internet porn continued and increased. I still find myself getting hooked early in the day and before I know it’s time to cook diner. The medication has reduced my ability to maintain an erection so having any intimate relations with my wife very quickly disappeared. Yes, it has caused problems but I think she’s accepted the fact that maybe it’s just age related. Like I said earlier, I’m a stay at home dad and she has her career. I’m scared to try another part time job because of my previous failures.
I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that this is my life and I should just try to cope with it the best I can.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:03:51 +0000

Julie,

I certainly understand your frustration and how hurt you feel when there is no empathy or compassion. Quite recently I had a discussion about this same issue with someone (non-ADHD) who was married to someone who had ADHD. She, too, wondered where was the empathy, the compassion. I will give you the same answer I gave her. Some people reading this blog may not like the answer…but…here goes.

The problem that non-ADHDers have is that they assume that those with ADHD have all the same characteristics that they do…such as empathy. While it is certainly possible for someone with ADHD to have empathy (and many other characteristics), the fact that it is lacking is not really surprising. To understand why…let’s look at the world from within the ADHD mind.

Someone with ADHD has spent much of his life protecting himself. He may have put up various barriers that keeps him safe and which makes him feel he is in control. To be empathetic is to be able to identify and understand another person’s situation (this is, essentially, the dictionary definition). But what does that really mean? To understand someone else’s situation one must be able to, at least temporarily, put one’s own situation “on hold” so that one can understand “the other.” The ADHDer expends so much energy every single day in trying to keep himself (or herself) together as a person that, well, there is no energy left to do much else. But most importantly, NOT being empathetic can be a defense mechanism. It can be a way to keep the outside world out. By NOT understanding the outside world the outside world stays…outside. This potential force for (internal) chaos has been blocked from entering the ADHD mind.

Consequently, do not assume that the ADHDer will have the same feelings, thoughts, emotions that you do. Instead, think of the ADHD mind as a sort of fun house mirror. It reflects most things in the world but the image it sends back is distorted to varying degrees and is sometimes missing key elements.