Adult A.D.D. & Sex

Attention Deficit Disorder Carnival #36

The Attention Deficit Disorder blog carnival is a collection of recent blog entries about Attention Deficit Disorder. The reason that it is called a carnival is because each week the carnival travels to a different host Blog. Here are the

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Ever since I first read the post Adult A.D.D. and Sex over at at Jeff’s A.D.D. mind I’ve had the song Let’s Talk About Sex by Salt N Pepa in my head. Also, the song

Oh, man. Some of these traits describe my sex life as an ADDer so well. The sheer drive for lust and electrifying feelings, excitedness… Such sex is the rule for me, while intimacy is the exception.

I agree that it is completely debilitating for people not to discuss sex. It’s like not discussing food or someone’s eating habits. Sex is an integral part of us humans. Not discussing it is dangerous, first and foremost for the younger generations, who need to be properly introduced to sexual life, being informed and educated about it, instead of having to discover it for themselves. Discussing it would drastically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, STDs, etc.

[...] have read many excellent posts related to ADD, but I haven’t found any that speak about ADD & illicit drugs, so I [...]

Makes me wonder if impulsivity in a sexual relationship makes the non ADD partner feel disconnected during the extreme self focus of the ADD’er, who is more focused on self gratification.

Make sense?

It can be a detached experience for the one who is able to control and enter the relationship with more intention and less spontaneous impulsiveness.

VAG,

Not sure if “disconnected” is the right term. Perhaps “neglected” is more accurate since the focus is not really on the non-A.D.D.er but, instead, on the A.D.D.er alone.

Neglected is a better term – as a non-ADDer married to an ADD man, this is a huge issue in our marriage. Lack of intimacy, lack of connection, and during sex I can feel the shift from his focus on us/me, to solely focused on himself. I am left bewildered and confused and alone – as he probably feels afterwards because he tends to sigh, roll over and go to sleep. I have tried repeatedly to communicate my willingness to talk and try to find ways to make it better. There is never time. Or time gets consumed on other things. I am not angry or nagging, I only wish to understand and help our marriage be better for both of us.

Crimson,

I hope your partner has been officially diagnosed and is working on his A.D.D. issues. I can tell you from experience that these issues – both in and out of the bedroom – definitely improve over time. However, it does take concerted effort to see change and for change to become nearly permanent (the A.D.D. is always there and can still slip through) requires on-going effort and discussion. Unfortunately intimacy issues can be difficult to discuss with a partner especially if they are wrapped in other feelings as you have noted. Focus on the non-intimacy issues caused by A.D.D. Then, when strides have been made in those areas it will be easier to shift to this important aspect of life. Feel free to contact me directly (my email address is listed here: http://jeffsaddmind.com/about ) to discuss this “offline.”

Not diagnosed yet as there are lack of resources for adult ADD in or near our area…we are working on it, although sometimes his commitment to it has the consistency of….ADD! At times I feel I am trying to crazy glue my fragile psyche back into some semblance of a person after 16 years of not knowing why I feel invisible, unimportant, rejected. We have a son diagnosed 5 years ago, and it helped me to understand alot. It is still a huge struggle that feels impossible at times…I can only imagine what he feels.

If you haven’t already done so, you should get a copy of Gina Pera’s book. See: http://adhdrollercoaster.org/ It deals with Adult A.D.D. and examines every aspect of it…including problems with intimacy.

I did my own diagnosis by reading “Driven to Distraction” and then answering Yes to, like, 75 out of 100 questions that appear in the book (there’s a long list of questions in there and the more I read the more I felt that I was reading my biography). I then got the diagnosis confirmed by a doctor. It is vitally important to get medication. The majority of people deal with A.D.D. through a combination of behavior modification and medication. If you can get that taken care of…both medication and LOTS of reading and LOTS of work at changing behavior it will, indeed, have a beneficial effect. It just takes time to learn how to control and channel the A.D.D.

I plan on picking up Gina Pera’s book and a few others.
We are working on it – and my husband has made leaps and bounds the last 2 years, and knowing more about ADD has helped me to adjust some of my expectations. Communication helps an incredible ammount, as well as letting go of anger, blame & neurotypical expectations. It is difficult sometimes without the consistency medication would provide, although I worry about side affects on him. Thanks so much for the insights!

Crimson,

If you are worried about the side effects of medication…well…you shouldn’t be. Dosages can always be changed as can the medication itself (Ritalin made me bounce off the walls…Wellbutrin works wonders for me).

The family doctor gave him Zoloft once because he had lost interest in life in general (I had to tell the doctor, he wasn’t going to), then switched him a few months later to Wellbutrin…he only took that a month or so he didn’t like how he felt. Due to his job, stimulants are an issue but I don’t think he has the patience right now for something that he will have to wait to see the results. So we will have to see…things can’t go on like this, it gets harder for him as he gets older.
I appreciate the input from the ADD point of view – it helps!

Crimson,

Wellbutrin, as you found out, does take time till you see results.

You are correct that it does get harder for an A.D.D.er to handle their A.D.D. as they get older. I’m not sure if this is a result of a late diagnosis, hence medications and behavior modification comes later in life after (bad) patterns have solidified. I would also think a factor is decreasing stamina that comes with age. It’s like the A.D.D.er just has less energy to wrestle with the “double-bitted ax.”

I can see that it would be tiring, the fight with oneself. I know it’s tiring for me to watch! And try to compensate for, in daily life and responsibilities. Some it might be as a person ages chemical and hormone balances change, most definitely the stamina levels decrease. How to cope with it, hmm there’s the question.

It’s been an arduous adventure to say the least. Bare with me, my spelling can be terrible. I’m 50 and I was diagnosed 15 years ago but haven’t accepted treatment until just 6 months ago. Adderal and Prozac for depression. I lost my job 13 years ago because I couldn’t control myself with internet porn while at work. I got a divorce because I wanted to experiment with activities like swinging. Had numerous affairs but then I met a lady while still married that rocked my world. The divorce went through a year later and we got married three months after that. So this marriage is going 14 years and I still can’t control myself when it comes to porn and thinking about sex all the time. It’s driving my nuts and with I don’t think this medication is working. But I have to admit, I do like the weight loss. Loss 20 pounds in two months when I started taking the meds. But I think I’m starting to gain the weight back. I’m starting to bing eat whenever there are sweets in the house. I’ve been a stay at home dad for 10 years and I’ve tried three part time jobs in the past two years and all failed. I’m having a hard time concentrating and its difficult to make an effort to remember something. Talk about hyper focusing. When it comes to cars, if there is a model that I want, it is all I can focus on. I can’t take it anymore!!!! I just wish it would stop before I mess up again. No, I am not seeing anyone for counseling because money is an issue since only one of us works in the family. And that guild is becoming an issue.
So, where do I finish…..?

Bill,

That’s some story. I don’t even know how to respond to it! One way to get things under control (or, to be accurate, to gain perspective so you can get things under control) is to engage in some physical activity: walking, bicycling, jogging, etc. This will help you to turn off the obsession, if only momentarily, so you can see it from the outside and can direct it in a positive way when it rears it head.

Jeff

hat’s some story. I don’t even know how to respond to it! One way to get things under control (or, to be accurate, to gain perspective so you can get things under control) is to engage in some physical activity: walking, bicycling, jogging, etc. This will help you to turn off the obsession, if only momentarily, so you can see it from the outside and can direct it in a positive way when it rears it head.

Crimson,

I have Ginas’ book, and I agree w/Jeff, it will help you understand ADD. It also shows via. conversation of couples dealing with the problems that may occur. You may find that many have had,or are having some of the same questions you have.

It has helped me understand my own ADD symptoms, and ways to avoid promblems before they happen. Kinda like a “Check Engine” light on my car. I must pull over and try to repair it, or I will be walking and run the risk of losing abbillty to reach my destination in time to save my marriage.

Scott.

Scott,

That’s a great metaphor for Gina’s book…that it is like a “Check Engine” light.

Thanks Jeff!,

I’m reading my comment,(sorry to sound so selfish)but I’m impressed/surprized with my self. Now I can see how this way of using Gina’s book, may help Bill also….

Bill,

Noticing your comment about automobiles, I thought about my own dream of someday finding an early model,worn out, Pontiac GTO square body, and doing a complete rehab to it.(good luck Scott,ha ha)

If it ever happened, 1st thing I would need is a repair/overhaul manual, like I already have for all my past-present vehicles,and the tools do it. As you probably know, these manuals will show how to fix everthing…but…some of the real difficult repairs,will advice consulting a qualified mechanic before attemping by yourself. I get myself in trouble sometimes(almost everytime) by ignoring that advice.Mainly because I’m stubborn,and also can’t afford a mechanic,or find one I trust.

Next step is to ask for help from someone I know, who is good at fixing what I just messed up. I can’t find the courage to ask this person(my wife)for fear of a appearing too helpless,or stressing them about something I should be able to do myself.

I’m lucky Bill, to have a wife I trust with my life. But I must have the courage to ask her to read my repair manual, and see if She understands what it says the way I think it explains the repair.

Scott.

I believe that I have ADD. my dr. is fighting me on it but I know myself. I know my body. I’m 27 and I have felt different for as long as I can remember. Anyway I hate being close with people. I can barely stand it when when my boyfriend touches me. Soooo many fights over me not wanting to have sex! I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know if that could be a side effect of ADD or if I just have intimicy issues.

Carmen,

A.D.D. can manifest itself in a number of different ways. For example, for some A.D.D.ers sex can be something they are obsessed with or it can be the opposite…something they avoid.

Intimacy issues can be a result of the A.D.D.ers tendency to be hypersensitive. Avoiding intimacy becomes a method of self-protection.

Finally, many people with A.D.D. have self-diagnosed themselves and then had it confirmed by a doctor. It is interesting that your doctor is fighting you on it. That could be a result of the doctor’s lack of knowledge about A.D.D. or it can be a case of self-denial (some A.D.D.ers deny they have A.D.D. and deny that it exists).

Carmen,

I am not an expert on subjects about A.D.D…But I am learning about how it can be very benificial to have a Dr. that will be open minded, and educated in the the treatment of A.D.D.

I was diagnosed A.D.D. before I ever thought about the possibilty of being an A.D.D.er. I started treatment and medication for it. Thats what (treatment and meds) woke me up, and helped me realize why I felt “Different” all my life. I always assumed I was just abnornal,and lived with allot of guilt about the way I thought about things.

The only reason I’m telling you this, is to lead to my opinion/advice for you to think about finding a Dr. who knows the facts about A.D.D.,and be willing to treat it according to your symptons.

Scott.

I had a long sit down with my dr. and finally was refered to psychiatrist. I was given a script and now I’ve done almost a complete 180. These last few days it’s as if I have finally woken up. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS SEX! I’ve done things with my boyfriend that I have never even thought of trying. I use to pick a fight just so that my boyfriend would leave me alone and now he has to hold me off so that his body can rest. It’s so frustrating! He is also an A.D.D.er and his meds make it so his body doesn’t function the way it’s suppose to. That fact use to b ok when I didn’t want to have sex, but now…I don’t know what to do. I love what my meds do for me, but I don’t know if I can keep my sexual cravings locked in a box because he can’t get it up. I’m not complaining the foreplay is AMAZING, but I really need that happy ending. What should I do?

Carmen,

The real note of caution here is that you stated that all you think about is sex. That is not good. There needs to be some sort of balance. Since you just started on the medication, it may take a bit of time to find the right dosage so that you can have some balance in your life. In a week or two you may find that you can control the obsession (or the obsession may fade…to a degree). Since any obsession – whether caused by A.D.D. or not – is never a good thing, it would make sense to discuss this issue with the psychiatrist. The key here is not to turn off the sexual desires but to be able to control them and not have them control you.

I don’t want my obsession to fade. It’s like a new begining. It’s so great to finally learn who the real me is. I didn’t really like the person I was, but now…

Actually I would like to change that comment. I don’t want my sexual desires to fade, but I would like all my other obsessing to fade. I don’t like that I obsess over other things(and people). Although I’m told that I’m attractive, I don’t feel that I am desirable. So I would like it if that part would stop, obsessing over men. I’M SO CONFUSED!! I’m not sure if I can handle this and I don’t know if I could actually tell my doctor. I don’t know if I can actually say those words out loud. I’ve been very shy for such a long time. Talking about sex is very difficult for me. Unless of course I’m writing about it.

Carmen,

There are really a lot of things going on right now and that’s why I’m emphasizing that you should slow down. Once you make the A.D.D. discovery and then start medication, you think that everything is clear. It is as if you have been driving with a dirty windshield and, finally, that windshield is clean. I’m sorry to say that this is an illusion. The windshield is not clean but, there is now a tiny little spot that has been cleaned and you are now squinting to see through that spot. But keep in mind that there is so much you have yet to see and understand.

The A.D.D. diagnosis is a mixed blessing. You now understand why you didn’t fit in. You now understand why you couldn’t do things that others could do. But now you see all the things in your life that you want (or need) to change.

The real work of dealing with A.D.D. has just begun. It will take a fair amount of time for you to be able to sort everything out. So, please, be cautious and make good decisions.

Jeff,

Great windsheild metaphore! Thats exactly the way I started out when I realized the benefits of treatment.I felt as if ADD may be a great thing,and I am gifted w/special abbilties..etc..Until I realized..I was obsessing about this, and not realizing the danger of it.

A.D.D. has not made me a better person, but cleaning those little smudges on my windsheild is a good place to start.

Scott.

I would just like to thank you for your words of wisdom. It’s really great to be able to get advice from REAL people that actually know what I’m going through. So….thanx!

Carmen,
If it’s Wellbutrin you’re taking, that stimulation wears off eventually.
It’s fun while it lasts though…
Enjoy it but do NOT make any major life decisions while under the sway of all that newfound libido.

I just need to let you know…I am taking strong meds. for ADD in the morning, that are also prescribed by for other reasons than ADD. So I am not a great example as to the subject of meds. Mine also are for(what is called by My Dr.at a lower dosage) breakthrough fatigue in the afternoon as needed. Mental fatigue can worsen my physical fatigue in my occupation. Atypical is an understatement,when it comes to ADD and meds. for me. But meds. do absolutly help me my attn. problems.

Scott.

Madelyn,

No it wasn’t Wellbutrin and I’ve stopped that particular medication and am going to see a different Doctor instead. I realized afterward that medication is a drug and all drugs make you act differently. While I loved what that lil pill did for me I stopped taking it to to the fact that it was making me obsess over sex and I didn’t want to turn in to a sex fiend. Now that I’m off it I’m back to the way I was b4. I don’t like it. I’m back to not really any libido which is frustrating because I like sex, I just don’t like to b touched. The medication stopped that. Anyway, NO rash decisions on my part, just carefully thought out ones.

Madelyn,

I’m on Wellbutrin for years. It’s had zero effect on my sex drive. Didn’t increase it…didn’t decrease it.

I am miserably coming out of a relationship with a hyper focused Adult
Attention Deficit Disorder man who just literally stopped in his tracks.
I was reading your article and the cycle of him wanting me to be dominant,scold him when we were intimate was starting to wear on me.
I would be patient and caring but he would continually go back to this theme. He has been reckless, impulsive, and literally within a week
started to see someone else( a woman who has it as well) and that ended
our relationship. She would egg him on, but no intimacy. the next thing was he went back into his failing marriage. Needless to say, I started reading, stunned, hurt, and he is once again hyper focused and I simply do not exist. Is this common? Is there empathy?compassion?
He seems like he has a on/off switch. I am miserable as I see the goodness in him but it is what it is. But I would like to know…all too common??? thanks…

Julie,

I certainly understand your frustration and how hurt you feel when there is no empathy or compassion. Quite recently I had a discussion about this same issue with someone (non-ADHD) who was married to someone who had ADHD. She, too, wondered where was the empathy, the compassion. I will give you the same answer I gave her. Some people reading this blog may not like the answer…but…here goes.

The problem that non-ADHDers have is that they assume that those with ADHD have all the same characteristics that they do…such as empathy. While it is certainly possible for someone with ADHD to have empathy (and many other characteristics), the fact that it is lacking is not really surprising. To understand why…let’s look at the world from within the ADHD mind.

Someone with ADHD has spent much of his life protecting himself. He may have put up various barriers that keeps him safe and which makes him feel he is in control. To be empathetic is to be able to identify and understand another person’s situation (this is, essentially, the dictionary definition). But what does that really mean? To understand someone else’s situation one must be able to, at least temporarily, put one’s own situation “on hold” so that one can understand “the other.” The ADHDer expends so much energy every single day in trying to keep himself (or herself) together as a person that, well, there is no energy left to do much else. But most importantly, NOT being empathetic can be a defense mechanism. It can be a way to keep the outside world out. By NOT understanding the outside world the outside world stays…outside. This potential force for (internal) chaos has been blocked from entering the ADHD mind.

Consequently, do not assume that the ADHDer will have the same feelings, thoughts, emotions that you do. Instead, think of the ADHD mind as a sort of fun house mirror. It reflects most things in the world but the image it sends back is distorted to varying degrees and is sometimes missing key elements.

Jeff, First and foremost I want to thank you for your words of wisdom, for the first time in my life I feel I have someone in my corner supporting me. Thank you.
Just an update from Oct post. I paid my family doctor a visit and she prescribed Adderall and Prozac. First I started with 10mg adderall and then 30 days later she started me on 10mg prozac. At first the euphoric reaction was great, my anxiety disappeared and I finishing something seemed easier but it didn’t last very long. My doctor then increased my dosage another 10mg each and the effects would last longer through the day. My anxiety went away but my obsession over internet porn continued and increased. I still find myself getting hooked early in the day and before I know it’s time to cook diner. The medication has reduced my ability to maintain an erection so having any intimate relations with my wife very quickly disappeared. Yes, it has caused problems but I think she’s accepted the fact that maybe it’s just age related. Like I said earlier, I’m a stay at home dad and she has her career. I’m scared to try another part time job because of my previous failures.
I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that this is my life and I should just try to cope with it the best I can.

Bill,

I’m so glad that my words have truly had a positive effect. Too often I write things and I wonder if anyone is listening/reading.

I’m no expert where medications are concerned. However, I wonder if there might be other drugs that you could take that would not have that effect on your sex life.

Bill,

I also am no expert on meds. But I take AdderallXR.20mg in the morning,and (Adderall.10mg afternoon,as needed for breakthrough fatigue). I also take a list of drugs for other medical probs. I check for drug interactions,every time I am prescribed any new meds. There are many websites on the subject.

I won’t suggest a particuler website, because there is some debate about Adderall being good or bad,,etc. I have had no problems with side effects, but I am not a good example. I think,if I were you, I would make sure my Dr.’s are aware of your concerns. Adderall is a drug,that may very serious side effects on some patients.

This is sooooo true! In my last relationship I finally noticed that I was nearly completely unable to listen to my boyfriend’s point of view or his feelings, even though I was so obsessive about what I felt that I always had to tell him. He always told me he felt like “the woman” in the relationship, because he was emotional and wanted to talk about everything, and I would just get aggravated and aviod everything he wanted to talk about.

This can change over time but it can be scary to go into the uncharted waters of emotion…especially if you have had it walled off and locked away for many years. It’s taken me way too many years to feel confident enough to do it.

why do you talk about sex and then make it imposible to comment about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But you *did* comment. Did you have a problem initially trying to leave a comment?

I tried but it kept telling me it was spam.

I changed a setting in the anti-spam plugin. You should be able to leave comments without any problem. Let me know if it is still an issue.

hi. um. i have a different experience to what the site discusses… a little background may be needed… i come from a home where sex and sexuality was always… HECTIC, at 5 my mother called me a “whore” or said people will think Im a whore for writing a note to a boy in class that said “i like you, do you like me? tick the box. yes. no.”
my mother has never spoken about it, but i know through a family friend that she was raped in her teens(after her mother passed away), i believe she was one of those children who was abused several times throughout her childhood. she was a painfully shy artistic child. back to my life. My father passed away when i was 5, and my severely ADD/bipolar -undiagnosed-mother raised three bright children. two of whom suffered from childhood depression and then me, who made friends easily was always in trouble, loud imaginative, and through ADD completely clueless to the reality of life, in short i had an adventurous magical childhood.
in terms of sex, i abstained by choice until i was 21, i met and dated my ex for four years(21to25-now). i have never had an orgasm. i have good sex drive and always enjoy sex(for the first 20 minutes-then i start thinking of other things, getn bored, getn worried that i cant orgasm…, i also enjoy the orgasmic buildup. but never the end… even though i was in a stable and loving relationship… the closest i remember coming to orgasm (my whole face stayed red and puffy for hours-that hasnt happnd since) was with a man i dated at 18, we had decided not to have sex-i was still in school, but made other plans and especially kissed ALOT. the particular incident i speak of was actually even mostly clothed. AM I emotionally broken ?physiologically broken? i have a sneaky suspicion its the ADD. and … i will never again date anyone who doesnt LOVE kissing me.

i apologise if this was a bit graphic or long winded

i would appreciate ANY help anyone can offer to me!

oops forgot this, continuation from prev comment. what starts as buildup, to stimulation can turn irritating or feellike its just too much and then i stop my partner. literally yelling stop and pushing them (hand, body etc) away.

Are you in therapy? Are you taking any medications for your ADD? It is not uncommon for someone with ADD to have trouble with sex, not just a sex addiction, as described here, but the opposite: not being able to stay focused during sex. But there are obviously other issues besides ADD that are in play here. Again, therapy is essential along with medication to deal with ADD.

i was on meds -ritalin as a child, mom read abt side effects and tok me off, throughout school i was a 60percenter, while my brother and sister were always top of their class. in std 9 i realised i needed bursaries to further my education. i started on ritalin again and worked my butt off. became a 90percenter. then in varsity i would take it on and off, usually for about a month before exams till the the exams were over.
im now a qualified health worker(6yrs to complete a 4yr degree), and again i take the meds on and off maybe 5 x a month, on days that i have written work to do! cant do ANY written work without it. absolutely painful and impossible.
ive never been in therapy though!
furthermore i smoke herb*daily, for last 7yrs or so. i find it has helped me socially somewhat-as it tones down my enthusiasm, im less exhausting to those around me!(not while smoking or high, but in general). i know that ritalin and drugs of any kind dont mix, infact they almost have opposite purposes so it cannot be good for the brain.
in terms of smoking maybe its time to stop. i find myself being less motivated less productive, less witty.its been a big part of my life and im unsure if i can stop. so therapy and a good doctor sound like they need to become the plan before2011.
any more ideas?? thanks for the quick response!
also, do u know of any goalsetting,time-managing,lifeorganising, tools or tips. ive spent most of the day gathering websites, then reading the first paragraph,saving to desktop and achieving very little.
thanks,b

The irony, of course, is that the side effects of ritalin affect a tiny percentage of people and ON Ritalin you do well. However, you may be better off on some of the other Ritalin (methylphenidate) delivery systems which spread it out over many hours so you don’t get hit with the Ritalin rush (that was my experience with it).
Medical issues aside, the best reason to stop the herb is to eliminate a factor that is affecting your performance. And you can stop smoking herb. It’s not easy but it can be done. I did it (and I loved smoking!) and I also stopped smoking cigarrettes. But stopping cigarette smoking was helped by Wellbutrin. This drug, while not commonly used for ADHD, has worked well for me and has the beneficial side effect of helping to stop smoking. What has kept me away from herb is I started to hate the sensation of not feeling connected with my thoughts and actions, of floating, so to speak. But the more you become comfortable with who you are and get more aspects of your life under control, the less you will feel the need for weed. And if you are not doing physical exercise, start now. You will feel 400% better within weeks. Even just 30 minutes of daily walking will make you feel better. (See John Ratey’s work on the brain and exercise.)

Time management, goal-setting, etc., is certainly one of the more vexing problems. I actually have a tiny article about it on the ADDitude website (at the site search for Jeffrey Siegel). However, while you may extract a tip or two at best (and from related articles there), you really need to expend a large effort on this issue. Gina Pera wrote a piece on time management based on a section of Dr Barkley’s Taking Charge of Adult ADHD. Read her post but also check out the book. It’s a no nonsense book about dealing with ADHD. You may also want to look for his website. Further, you will find that there are numerous ADHD coaches that offer books or teleseminars dealing with time management. I know Jennifer Koretsky (an ADHD coach) offers this but so do many others.

Jeff
P.S. I wrote this response on my Blackberry while doing my morning walk/sprint.

- sent via blackberry

ya ya… as i wrote yesterday it dawned again and again and again that KANAKO!-now is the time! – then your response ! kanako-now is the time!
there are a few further problems to stop me sorting out some of this stuff NOW- im currently living and working in deep deep rural South Africa-mud huts and recently installed electricity! 40min drive from the nearest shop. i think right now isolation plays a role with the herb, i cant get bored on ganj, i also cant sing,paint,poi,exercise,organise, cleanhouse,garden productively,pray,play guitar, readand remember,write,meditate,play properly with the cats,hike with motivation,sew,think,learn to speak sotho…
ADD is a funny thing .yesterday i spent several hours trying to get goalsetting and timemanagement help, but was unable to write even as tiny a list as the one above… today while just flowing..there they are…its all in me,but where.. some of the things i love doing ive been doing for years…but not effectively…half a painting a year.

so…therapy is not really an option now, as the nearest therapists etc are about 180km away so 2hr drive and often charging more on weekends.
a change of meds should be easy enough, i just say what i need and a colleague writes it up for me, but i don’t want this, i need to find a Dr who will work with me on meds etc. i may try the stop smokn drug, is it the same as Zyban- a mild anti depressant that is often prescribed in SA to assist smokers!
thanks for the advice… but more for the support,soundboard, clarity, and taking ADD seriously, reminding me that it is something i should MANAGE.
i forget that it is a part of everything i do. and more specifically DONT do. you know, i feel like its just my personalty to procrastinate.

have been exercising for past two wks or so, but not daily.will add that in now. and the erb. gona start next month on that one but… i dont want another 5 years to go by with me only achieving some of my goals, and usually the ones where theres some kind of external pressure or motivation and then being completely unproductive in my free time in terms of personal and creative dreams/unwritten goals!

thanks again.bianca

oh, the wellbutrin, while it helps some with ADD and many with smoking, did it help with erb smoking??? how were you emotionally? how long did it take or cold turkey?

When I stopped herb I did it cold turkey. Mentally I associated it with a part of my life that I wanted to eliminate from my daily experience.

Bianca, ADHD is a sneaky son of a gun so keep in mind that doing some more exercise and giving up herb will not result in miraculous changes. There’s still much work to be done. It will take time, patience, hard work and a healthy sense of humor. There’s lots of reading and thinking and self-analyzing to do. But it can be done. You can make significant improvements. It just won’t happen overnight.

“Re: zyban” – Wellbutrin and Zyban use some of the same chemicals so you can’t take them both at the same time.

Jeff
- sent via crackberry while walking the dogs.

can add keep a woman from becoming aroused? I used to get turned on when my husband and I were dating/engaged, but ever since we got married (and was temporarily on birth control,) I haven’t felt anything at all. I try to stay focused on what we’re doing, and I do enjoy it, but I never actually get aroused. And I am almost always the one to initiate sex, never him. Does this seem like an ADD thing?

In short, this type of problem can be an ADHD issue. Some ADHDers are obsessed with sex because it has become a way to self-medicate. But there are other ADHDers who cannot stay focused long enough to enjoy sex. So, yes, it can be an ADHD issue.

Its good to know that you have temporarily on birth control. I have seen amount of causes in which teen wife could become pregnant after their marriage because they weren’t control on birth and their touch comfort,emotions.
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Sex is about the relationship and bond that I’m creating with that person. If it were just about ne.. ..and my getting off… Well, I guess I’d just masturbate. I think that we ADDers may have hypersexuality in common. But other than that.. This is written from a man’s perspective.

“we ADDers may have hypersexuality in common” – Interestingly I recently found out that this is not a universal ADHD trait. In fact, it is more common to have problems concentrating for more than two minutes while engaged in the act.